Disney here we come!

I am so excited for this trip.  The medications have done their job and I feel actually pretty good.  My daughter, Kassi, however, isn’t so lucky.  She has the flu…nasty bug that it is.  Hopefully by saturday when we hit the park she will be feeling much better.  A mom always worries about their kids when they are sick and I am no exception.  There are times when I have wondered if Kassi will grow up to be burdened with this disease that I have.  She has all the same symptoms that I had as a teen when no one could figure out what I had wrong with me.  No one knew why I had so many medical problems, why I got sick a lot, why I had so many problems being pregnant or giving birth.  And no one could tell me why I lost three babies!  Not until, that is, I was finally diagnosed with lupus in 2002.  But even then, and now, there are questions that arise.  Like, why is it that sometimes my ANA test is positive and sometimes negative?  Why do I feel good sometimes and then get knocked down the next with no warning?  All of us with Lupus have those same questions.  And now my daughter is dealing with some of those same things.  And frankly it scares me. 

But, I’m not going to dwell on it.  I am going to take one day at a time, like I have done for the last 7 years.  And I am going to pray…pray…pray!  And for now, for tonight, I am going to look forward to Disneyland and have dreams of tinkerbell, Mickey Mouse and of course Capt. Jack Sparrow!!!!!

I’m off to never never land!

I am sick again.

One week from disney land and I am sick.  I have an ear infection, a sinus infection, and I feel really gross.  Hopefully the doctors and the antibiotics will make me all better!  I need to be better by friday cuz I cannot wait to go to disneyland with the family!  There is nothing more exciting then seeing the look on the face of a little one the first time they walk through the gates of the magic kingdom.  Our grandson’s first trip is on Sat and I couldn’t be more excited for that moment.  He means the world to me. 

I never thought that a “step” grandson could become so much a part of my heart.  But he is truly MY grandboy!  i don’t know how it will feel when my own kids have babies, I’m sure it will be special and exciting and thrilling.  But, seriously, I have been here with two little babies being brought into the world.  One of which we lost when he was just days old.  I thought my heart would tear in two.  Then Troy was born and I fell in love with him immediately…and so did my kids.  So, now to see him at disney for the first time will be so much fun.

I just wish that the rest of the kids and the other grandkids could be there with us when we go.  Unfortunately they will be unable to be there.  I miss them like crazy.  Since they  moved back to washington it has been quieter here.  There presence is truly felt in our house.  The chaotic noise of kids running around is not the same without them here.  And i do miss them.  Maybe one day we will all be able to get it all together to go on a trip somewhere.  That is a dream that my parents always had and it didn’t come true before mom died. 

there are so many things I want to do before I die.  My husband and I were talking about some of them just last night at our anniversary dinner.  We’d like to go to Ireland, scottland, greece.  Finances get in the way of doing so many of those things we dream about.  But, going to disney with thekids was also a dream and now we are making that one come true.  And, I cannot wait!  Now, I just need to get well before then!

Or….I will walk around disney sick…cuz i won’t miss it!

It was my anniversary!

I feel sort of badly because my 8 year anniversary to my DH was yesterday….and slightly overshadowed by the inaugeration of President Obama.  So, today I am going to tell our story a little bit. 

We met on the internet about 10 years ago.  Yep that’s right on the internet.  We chatted for quite some time before we actually spoke on the phone and then met for the first time.  I started falling for him almost immediately!  I can’t say that the same was true for him.  I think he was still hurting over his divorce, and he was also seeing some other women at the same time….BAD BOY! LOL.  But, we continued to talk and see each other off and on until he went on a business trip for a week.  During that week we emailed back and forth trying to figure out what we were doing.  When he flew in a week later he showed up on my doorstep and the rest, as they say, is history!

Our life together hasn’t been without it’s struggles.  We are a blended family…a LARGE blended family.  He had six kids I have three…yep nine kids between  us.  I played mom for his youngest daughters wedding when her mom was unable to be there, I became grandma to his grandkids.  We even went through the heartache of losing a grandchild when he was only a few days old. 

We have been through tough teenagers, money trouble, starting a new business, losing jobs, and losing my mom.  But by far I think one of the hardest things we have been through is my diagnosis of lupus about 6 years ago now.  I really thought he would leave, run.  What man would want to spend the rest of his life with a woman who has a chronic disease and three kids to raise?  He only had two left at home, and certainly life would be easier without me around.  We struggled, I struggled.  I have had a lot of self esteem issues, many moments of discouragement and depression when I  have cried out to God for help.  What got me through those moments was my husbands loving arms around me. 

Even when we have had our hardest moments, moments when we wondered what would become of us, we still held on to one another.  Many outside forces try to disrupt marriages in this world.  It is so easy to give up, divorce and move on to the next person.  But this marriage, for me, is a lifetime deal.  I’ve been divorced, I’ve felt the pain of betrayal, I’ve lived with heartache and pain.  I have learned that I need to share those moments of concern with my partner.  Together we can work it out and make our marriage stronger and healthier. 

So, happy anniversary honey.  I love you more today then I did the day we got married.  You are my rock and you keep me steady when I feel like I’m tumbling through a maze of confusion.  I cannot imagine a life without the comfort of your arms, the warmth of your smile and the joy that fills my heart when we laugh together.  8 years…the best is yet to be!

Welcome Mr. President!

I did not vote for president Obama.  There, I said it.  I wasn’t in favor of him as our leader.  And NO it is NOT because he is black and I am a white racist.  I wasn’t necessarily for McCain either.  In fact I thought the pool for candidates was quite limited in this election.  However, he is now our president, and I will respect him and look up to him as the leader of our nation. 

I have a real problem with people who are so disrespectful toward former president Bush.  Whether or not you agreed with his politics, he was the leader of our country and that, in my opinion, warrents respect and politeness.  In fact, in England a man was just sentenced to time in jail for being disrespectful to the Monarchy! I’m not saying that people shouldn’t be allowed to speak their views or express their feelings about our leaders.  That would totally go against what this country stands for.  By the same token, that can be done respectfully, without becoming down right mean and stabbing at the very humanness of a man and family! 

So, I guess what I am saying is that I encourage all of you who didn’t vote for President Obama, who didn’t want him as our new leader, show some respect regardless of your disagreements with his political views.  He will make mistakes.  There isn’t a human being on the planet who doesn’t.  Right now so many are hoping for amazing things, miracles really, they are seeing the glass half full….not a bad thing really….but they are looking through rose colored glasses.  But there will be tough times and challenges for our country in the upcoming years, there is no question.  Many are without jobs, losing homes, businesses are collapsing.  People are looking to President Obama to “fix” it all.  And i think some are hoping for a quick fix.  If that quick fix doesn’t happen as quickly as we all hope, if things get worse before they get better, remember, he is the leader of our nation.  Show some respect!  Our kids are looking to us for direction on how to treat others, how to treat our leaders and frankly I am not proud of our country and how it has responded to our past leaders! 

President Obama says this is a time for a change….I think it is a time for attitude changes…changes in how people respond, how they talk and treat others!  Many I have read are upset at how religious the innauguration was…the bottom line is that the golden rule, what we have all been taught to live by “treat others as you would want to be treated” comes from the Bible….”Love thy neighbor as yourself”.  Let’s all try to live that!

Welcome Mr. President!