I am getting older…

I am a great aunt….again.  For the third time I have been blessed with a great neice.  It’s amazing to me, with how many boys there are in this family, that so far I have only great neices.  It is also telling me how old I am getting.  No longer am I getting news that I will be an “aunt” again.  Nope…all my neices and nephews are now having babies of their own.  Strange how that works.  It’s given me a few things to think about. 

First, I am realizing that my own children are hitting that age when they could be getting married and having babies of their own.  I have seen how fast time flies and that my mom was right when she told me to cherish every minute with my kids because that time is so precious and goes so fast.  It seems like just minutes ago they were toddlers, babies and needing me for everything in their lives.  Now, they don’t need me much at all.  I like to believe they do, but the reality is that they are pretty grown up…and I am so proud of them.

I am also realizing that the older I get the harder it is to deal with a disease or anything physically that goes along with that disease.  I don’t recover as quickly.  And, I am so much more tired so much more often then I used to be.  I am trying, like we all do, to cling to my youth, to try to believe I am still sexy to my husband, attractive enough for a man on the street to take a second look, that I could swim 50 laps in my pool like I did just a few years ago.  I sit back and think to myself “what happened to the girl who did 500 sit ups every day, did tae bo, ate healthily and weighed much less?”  Now some of that I could get back.  I could eat more healthy and probably should.  But the situps?  No way.  My back, my joints, just wouldn’t take the abuse to my body.  Occassionally I drag out the yoga mat and stretch and work my muscles.  But even that is getting more and more difficult. 

I really don’t want Lupus to make a mess of me, but it is one thing, another thing, that I have had to face up to.  I can take steps to make my life better, I can take my meds, go to the doctor, stay out of the sun and do all the things that I am supposed to do but the reality is that like it or not I have a disease that is eating away at me.  I could live to a very old age with this disease, but, each day that passes I count as a blessing and a gift.  And the older I get the more I cherish that gift. 

My daughters are so young and beautiful.  My son is a handsome and loveable young man…so funny, so smart.  And my step kids have all left their mark on my heart.  I have grand children thanks to them, much earlier then I anticipated having grand kids….and for that I am grateful.  I hope and pray that they all take each day, remember the moments that fill them, hold them in their hearts.  I hope that they realize how quickly time flies and that they only have this one life and they need to make the most of it!

I am a great aunt!  And for me…that’s a very remarkable thing!

More graduation pictures

Sorry for any of you who are tired of my rambling on and on about my kids.  But they are, in fact, great!:)  There are so many times that I want to sit and write about my “feelings” and my “emotions” and often I do. I am fairly candid about the way I feel about things like infidelity, family, grace, God, and even the octomom..LOL.  But this last week or so has been all about my girls.  So, in honor of them…here are more photos…

OH and I just made my first photo book with shutterfly!  It was great fun!

Mom and Kassi!

Kassi and Auntie running through the sprinkler at Cardinals Stadium

Kass, ash, auntie and mom

video of ash getting diploma 2009 026

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Graduation!!!! One proud lupie mom here!

What a weekend/week.  Two kids graduated…one from college one from high school.  I am so totally proud of my girls!  I will admit it has been busy and hectic and a bit stressful at times.  I’m feeling it today..and so is my lupus body.  However, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  There is no true way to explain how I feel right now.  It seems like just yesterday that I was giving birth, changing diapers and “preparing” for the day when my kids would grow up.  And Bam it happened so fast.  I feel like there are moments that I may have missed, times when I could have paid more attention to what was happening with my kids.  It’s hard to take it all in really.  I look at them and I still see the toddlers that used to run around the house, the little girl who used to pick her own clothes and most of the time looked like a bag lady, the girl who had hair down to the middle of her back, all curly.  But in reality they are grown women now moving on to new adventures in their own lives. 

There are times with Lupus when you do wonder if the disease is going to make you unable to enjoy these moments that only come once in the lives of your kids and family.  There is fear and apprehension that maybe this will be the time that the cruel enemy decides to attack your body.  I think about it all the time.  But, I can’t let that control me or rule what I do with my life and how I enjoy things.  I am going to fight to be able to see and enjoy every precious milestone that happens in their lives and mine!  I love you guys…more then you will ever know.  You are the pride and joy of my life.  And no matter what frustrations or hardships we have gone through in our lives, you are my greatest accomplishments!!!!!!  Congratulations Ashli and kassi!

And I gotta say I was also really proud of my son who played trombone with the band for graduation.  They competed in state competition this year and got a Superior with Distinction rating…Way to go Jake and SDOHS symphonic band!  How amazing is that for a freshman in highschool?  And to you, Jake, I say…only three more years dude!!!! I love you and am so proud.  I know you will be a famous musician one day and your dreams of sharing music with the world will come true!

My three kids

So, without further adieu…here are some photos of my kids amazing days!

graduation is upon us!

I have two graduations this year.  My oldest daughter, Ashli, is graduating from the U of A with a degree in Journalism.  And my daughter Kassi is graduating from High school this year.  I am so proud of both of them.  Ashli has worked so hard to put herself through school, and has always been an intelligent and successful woman.  She is an unbelievable writer, and has a voice like an angel!  I often find myself living vicariously through her.  I know she is going to go on and do amazing things with her life.

Kassi has had to fight especially hard to get through school.  She has been dealing with dyslexia, which we found out when she was in first grade, and has taught herself many unusual tricks to make things in school more manageable for herself.  She is intuitive, and bright and funny and she is the kindest person I know.  She has a true heart of gold and will go out of her way for just about anyone.  She is planning on going to college to get a degree to teach special education.  She has big dreams of starting various programs to make getting through  school and continuing education more do-able for those with special needs.    With all the cutbacks happening in education these days she is one who knows how much help some kids need and how that help is slowly but surely being taken away from them.  She is a fighter and doesn’t want to give up the right of education for everyone!

Congratulations Ashli and Kassi.  I am so proud of you, as women, and I am proud to say I am your mom.  I’m not sure what part I played in how well you turned out, I think it probably had more to do with your will to survive and succeed then it did with me.  I love you and I look forward to seeing what the future holds for you both!