Dad has gone to be with Jesus!

Dad and my hand before transport to hospice!

It’s been a long and traumatic couple of weeks.  I never in a million years believed that my dad, my strong, fighter of a dad, would go to be with Jesus the way he did.  I always thought that his heart would probably stop in the middle of the night and the suffering and fighting he has been doing all these years would just be over.  But, in true dad form, he fought till the bitter end.

A couple of weeks ago dad was hospitalized with a bowel obstruction.  He was in such intense pain and so sick.  He had a tube down his nose into his stomach to drain all the poisen that was building up making him ill.  So, the doctor went in and repaired the obstruction and really that’s when the trouble began.  He was sent home from the hospital, probably much too early since he couldn’t urinate, but home he went.  Two days later he ended up back in the hospital, his bladder twice as full as a normal bladder should be, filling up with fluid around his lungs, and dilerious from all the retention of that fluid.  Once a cath was inserted and his bladder began to empty his extremem discomfort began to ease.  He was told his prostate was enlarged and that his congestive heart failure and COPD  was getting worse. 

Then, last wednesday dad got to a point where breathing bacame almost impossible for him. I won’t forget the sight of him leaning over the side of the hospital bed, gasping for breath, begging for air, for a fan to be blown at him, for anything to make him more comfortable.  He was finally moved to ICU and put on a machine called a Bi pap machine.  It is the last step before a ventilator.  It basically forces air into his lungs with out the invasive nature of a vent.  Gradually his breathing eased, he was recieving morphine, lasiks, antibitotics and had a larger cath since blood had begun spilling out of his bladder.

No one seemed to know where the blood was coming from.  He hadn’t been restarted on blood thiners after his surgery so clots were forming from the blood in the bladder, and having to be irrigated from his bladder.  It was an excruciatingly painful procedure for him each time they irrigated.  He would look up with these child like eyes that seemed to beg “please make it stop”.  But, dad was not ready to be done fighting.  Each time the doctors gave us an indication that “this was the end” he would rally.  We would leave his room as they were performing yet another procedure, thinking that he would be on that downward slope, only to go back to his room to find him sitting up, eating with gusto and being his ornary self again.  And, each and every time us kids would stand in wonder thinking how amazing God’s grace is and what an extraordinary man our father is.

Finally, however, his blood pressure started to plummet, and his kidneys began to shut down.  there weren’t a lot of options left.  We had a talk with hospice and got our options.  Dad was talked to, and he decided he wanted to take it one day at a time and continue to fight.  That was tuesday.  Wednesday morning his kidney levels had gotten to the “we’ve fought as hard as we can and we can’t do it anymore” point.  The congestive heart failure had depleted all dad’s strength, and fighting for every breath was taking a toll beyond what he could handle anymore.   So, that morning dad told the doctors, with my brother and I by his side, to turn off his difibrilator and move him to a hospice facility.  All he wanted was to be knocked out to the point where he no longer knew what was going on.  He was tired of gasping for air, all his fight was gone.  At 4 PM on Wednesday he was transported to the hospice facility.

It took a while for them to get his meds under control and to the point where he no longer was struggling for breath. And in true dad form he didn’t stop giving orders and telling everyone what to do.  At one point, while having an extraordinarily hard time breathing, he asked for a peice of paper and a pain…motioned is actually what he did since he really didn’t  have breath to get out many words.  We all sat there with baited breath expecting some profound last words to come from this brilliant man.  He took the pen in his shaking hand and started to try to write.  What he wrote well, it was not quite as profound as we expected.  He said, “I’m ready to go. Bring on the morphine”.  Then he motioned and gasping for each breath said “Two of you sit me up, two of you get me the drugs.  Bring on the juice.  knock me out.”  And, like when mom died, our family shared laughter along with the impending death of our dad.

  We got our chance to say our goodbyes.  I will never forget walking to his bedside, leaning into his ear and whispering “I love you dad. He quietly whispered “I love you too.  I will say hi to momma for you.”  I immediately had a picture in my mind of mom and dad reuinting in heaven, and my grandma coming up to tell my dad that before the celebration could begin she had a few little chores she needed done around the Mansion that was prepared especially for him”.  And then grandpa would come up to him, his full 6 foot 3 stature walking like regal royalty, extend his hand to dad, and pull dad too him, grasp him and say “welcome to heaven Don.  Jesus has been getting everything ready and we have been anxiously waiting for you to come for our amazing family reunion feast”.  My grandpa was my dad’s hero.  I can imagine the light in my dad’s eyes when he was again reunited with all those he loved.  His face would have gone from looking tortured, childlike, begging for relief from his suffering, to overwhelming joy and calm.  He told us all in that moment that he knew where he was going and he was ready to go.

Dad’s earthly journey came to an end peacefully at 3 AM on thursday morning.  He just calmly took his last breath and surrendered himself to the warmth and comfort of the arms of Jesus.

My dad was a man unlike any other.  He fought for each and every day of his life.  19 heartattacks, 4 difibrilator/pace maker combo’s, many stents inserted into his heart, multiple surgeries yet he never ever gave up almost to the very end.  I will never know if he was still trying to hold on for us kids, for the grandkids and great grandkids, or if he felt he still had more living he needed to do.  But whatever it was, he fought, with gusto, for each day, each breath, for every ounce of life he lived.  He died like he lived…with strength, with a strong will and spirit and surrounded by of of us who loved him ferociously and whom he loved back with just as much passion and ferocity!

If you are someone who knew my dad and has any memories to share with us about him that could be added into the funeral please email them to me at lwayswright@aol.com.  The more the better!!!

I will miss you dad!  I know you are with Jesus, with mom and celebrating a life that will never be forgotten!

Thumbs up from dad even though he was suffering.

Dad and my hand before transport to hospice!

Oh my oh my…

This has been a hectic week.  My dad landed in the hospital on saturday afternoon.  Turns out he has a bowel obstruction, however they didn’t know exactly where or what it was.  After a long three days today he had surgery to find the obstruction and remove it.  The biggest glich in the whole thing was that his surgeon was a real ummm…not nice man.  All the nurses told us how unpleasant he was, they wouldn’t even talk to him.  They all said he was a great surgeon but not a “people” person.  So, dad was taken in to the OR at 11:20 this morning.  Then we were informed that we needed to pick a spokesperson for the family because the surgeon doesn’t come out to talk to the family, but he instead calls the desk and will take questions from one person.  The nurse also told us that he didn’t “volunteer” info..if we didn’t ask he probably wouldn’t tell us.  So, about 2 and a half hours later the Doctor calls the desk and my brother goes and asks our questions.  He comes back to where we were all gathered and says “he was very pleasant, dad had an adhesion blockage from a previous hernia surgery.  It went well.  He will be in recovery for about an hour and then moved to a room on the surgical floor”  So, we waited.  About an hour and a half later the same nurse came out and said to us “your dad has just gone to recovery.  Did the doctor call you?”  “Yes” we said.  “Good.  Then he told you that your dad wasn’t breathing on  his own and is on a ventilator, and will be moved to the ICU in about an hour.”  “NO” we said.  We hadn’t been told that at all.  Pretty important peice of info for a doc to leave out don’t ya think??? Long story short, dad wasn’t moved to the ICU until about 4 and a half hours later.  Once there his ICU nurse had to ask for all the information about dad and his surgery from my brother and I because the surgeon never came in and didn’t leave any notes at all.  The poor nurse didn’t even know what my dad had surgery on!    Welcome to modern medicine at it’s finest!!!  But, hopefully they will remove the ventilator tomorrow and dad will be on his way to recovery!!!

Then tonight, I found out that someone has been reading my blog and reporting back to my husbands ex wife that I had been writing about my stepson and his trials and tribulations.  Apparently that got my husbands ex quite upset.  Now why, when we are having such difficulty in our family as it is, (if they actually read the blog they know all the ups and downs, and if they know me at all which they obviously do they know what life is like right now) why would they want to cause even deeper trouble in our relationship and home by involving his ex in what I write???  I never mention any names…I never even mention where he goes to school, where he lives, I’m not sure I even have mentioned his actual age.  And, if they actually read ALL of my blog material they would also know that I have written very loving and great things about the same step son!!!  And I have also written when I am frustrated with my own children, and my own life, siblings, father, whatever.  All of these things in my life, these ups and downs, ins and outs, affect my health, affect lupus and autoimmune disease.  That is what I write about!  I also write about God’s grace and how He has been my strength in times when  I didn’t think I could make it any longer.  That’s why i write…what I write and who I write for!!!  Life is difficult.  It is messy.  It is imperfect to say the least.  I am a writer.  And this is my canvas and where I paint my view of the world!  It isn’t always pretty, but hopefully my life, and all the it encompasses is leading to a masterpeice!!!!

 

And that’s the truth!!!!  Honeslty, I am not ashamed of anything I have written  here!  And, if the person who “read and tattled” is who I have a hunch it is….well, let’s just say…I really thought OUR relationship meant more then that!!  Wrong again!  I should also mention that my hubby does not read my blog…it’s just not something that he is in to.  However, he has always known that I write here, that people read it and comment on what I write and that I read other people’s blogs as well.  He also knows what I write about because I have never hidden that from him and he has access to the blog at anytime he wants to.  I guess my thought is that if he is okay with me writing here, and writing what I write, and it isn’t hurting him or anyone else for that matter, then…that’s that!

Un believable!!!

So, I guess our justice system is really broken!  I have a step son who is a teenager and on probation for a weapons charge.  He took a plea deal….dropped from 6 felonies down to just one!  the conditions of his plea are an essay, a fine, counseling, community service, cannot miss school, and must keep job, no involvement with drugs, dealing or alcohol,  or with the kids who got him involved in those things in the first place.  He cannot get a drivers license till he is 18, must follow household rules, drug tests twice weekly.  He has deferred detention which means at any time (supposedly) the judge can throw him back in jail.

Guess what….he has been skipping school, not coming home at night, drinking, dealing drugs again, he punched holes in our walls at home, skipped counseling, has not written the essay nor paid the fine and skipped his community service.  And that’s just part of the list.  So, we called the PO….first of all i am not allowed to be involved in any way because I am “just” the step parent.  Even though he is living in MY home and causing Chaos in MY life I have no involvement!  Not only that, she said she can’t do anything unless we call the police for every infraction.  Now wait a minute….I thought that is what he had a PO for???  No one told us we had to call the police for every infraction they told us to contact his PO.  But, she says she can’t do anything.  Today she was making a visit up to his school to meet with him and his teachers…guess what….he isn’t there.  My husband got a text from him at 2 AM last night that said “Homey got shot, had to take him to ER wasn’t going to let him die”.  But, no one can do anything about him.  Amazing.  Is it any wonder there are so many kids on the street in trouble?  They get charges against them, get Parole officers who can’t do anything so there is no way they will ever change.  If I hadn’t heard the PO on the phone with my own ears I never would have believed it!

So, yesterday I put a call in to the judge.  After all she is the one at the hearing who said she could revoke his deferred detention and his plea bargain at any time and for any reason.  She never called me back.  I called again today…we’ll see if she calls back!  This boy is destroying our life, our marriage, our family and making me sicker by the day.  The stress of it is incredible.

As you know, or don’t know, I have lupus.  Right now I am fighting strep throat, a strep rash on my neck, pleurisy, and I have to have an MRI on my lower back because something is growing there on my spine…nice huh?  So, we are stuck.  I went and spent one night at my daughters apartment the other night because I was so furious.  But, being sick and sleeping on a couch just wasn’t cutting it for me so I am home.  I am trying to be patient but I am not sure how much any of us, including my husband, can take.  I guess if nothing comes of her visit to the school today I will just start calling the police…a waste of taxpayers money…but that’s what i will do!  He needs to be away from this house so he can get the help he needs and our family doesn’t fall apart completely!!!

It will be over soon….I hope!

This weekend was the end of the line for us with my stepson.  He has pulled my other stepson into his criminal mess, screwed up this family almost beyond repair and today is the end.  I have a call into his PO….she will know it all.  He skipped school once again today.  He didn’t come home yesterday from wherever it was that he was.  So, we locked the garage down, and locked all the doors so if and when he decided to come  home he couldn’t get it.  Well, he did get home, probably around 2AM and was let in (although he denies it) by his younger brother who is becoming more screwed up by the day.  He is now laying in bed, sound asleep, totally unaware that I called his PO and left her a message that I  could no longer handle him  living in this house, and that he has broken his probation too many times to count.  And the amount of disrespect and just plain meanness astound me to no end!  It has hurt my marriage, my relationship with my own kids, their relationship with my husband and the list goes on.

If they come to get him I’m sure it will be messy, loud, and dramatic…nothing with this boy is less then dramatic.  But when it is done everyone will breathe easier.  I am breaking out with, what I can only think, is shingles again.  Too much stress.  I go to the doctor tomorrow.  But for now, I am just waiting on the PO and hoping for a brighter tomorrow.

It was homecoming this weekend for my son.  So, here are a couple pictures of him and his date and his best friend.  They are such great kids and I am so proud of them for staying clean and not wavering from their beliefs.