It’s been a long week…

So, here we are at the end of another week.  This has been a busy one for all of us.  Little Wyatt was born last sunday, premature, so this week has been one of visits to the hospital to see mom and baby and, of course, taking pictures.  And we got lucky enough to have big brother Troy stay here with us for a couple of nights this week too.  Lots of planning for my daughters hopeful trip to Beijing this summer, has kept us running here and there.  And my son has been up early mornings all week practicing for the jazz festival competition that happened in Flagstaff today.  No real news yet on how they did except one text that said they “rocked”.  My oldest daughter has been telling us non stop stories of her new job with autistic kids that she started a few weeks ago.  She loves it!!!  And my aunt and uncle are in town from Wisconsin so there was a big family dinner this week with them along with my neice who was in town from MN to take the bar exam. I wish her the best of luck on that!!!   On top of all of that Spencer (step son) came for a visit this week, we haven’t spent time with him in quite  a while.  It was great to see him and have him here.  All the kids missed each other, it was quite obvious, and they enjoyed spending time laughing and just being together again. 

My step daughter (Wyatt’s mommy) came home from the hospital today.  I think she is happy to be back home again, able to just “be” instead of living in a hospital.  She looks great and is handling everything with wyatt so well. 

I finally got an apt for the MRI on my back.   The insurance company decided that instead of just doing the upper spine they want the entire spine this time…I have already had the lower back done but I guess they want it again.  i am just glad to be finally getting it done.  I need to come to a diagnosis and some way to fix what is going on there.  It has been a long haul.  The older I get the less pain I can handle it seems.  I’m a whimp LOL. 

so, here are a few more photos of the baby.  He really is a tiny little angel!  And a miracle!  God’ grace is truly amazing!

Vegas and a New Baby Grandson!

Had a wonderful time in Las Vegas this past weekend, celebrating my neices 13th birthday.  We went and saw the Donny and Marie show at the flamingo…one of the best shows I have ever seen!  They are such showmen and down to earth, humorous and just great!  Then it was a full day of shopping, eating, lookin around vegas and getting extremely exhausted.  But it was worth it!  Just remember…what I spent in vegas stays in vegas…LOL.  Seriously, it was fun and a nice get away for me.

And on the way back home I got a call  from my husband that our grandson was going to be born via C section.  He was several weeks early, but mom and baby were in distress so it was the best thing for both of them.  Wyatt was born at 3 lbs 1 oz yesterday afternoon.  He has a full head of blonde hair and looks a lot like his older brother!  He is a beauty!  After arriving home from vegas my husband and I quickly loaded up the car and headed to the hospital so that we could see the new gift that was given to our family.  Because Wyatt is in the NICU technically no one is supposed to get in to see him.  But, Stacey was all alone, and so the nurses took pity on a poor old grandpa and let my husband accompany stacey into the NICU where she got her real first peak at the baby….and she got to hold him.  Her daddy was so proud…what an amazing miracle that wyatt is breathing on his own, his heart is healthy and he a strong little man.  God is good! I think really the best part for me was watching my husband and his reaction to our new grand baby.  He was all smiles, so proud and happy.  Made me fall in love with him even more!

I’m just sad!

I have been having a hard time lately…dealing with my dad’s death.  It has been such an emotional rollercoaster for me and I’m not sure how to get myself out of it.  I hear a song on the radio, see a commercial on TV or just read a verse in my Bible and the water works start.  The worst part is that I don’t like to cry in front of other people, I am really self conscious about people knowing that I am hurting.  So, I try to hide it all.  I am a stuffer by nature anyway!  I was driving to the doctor the other day and I thought to myself “I should call dad and ask him if he wants to go to lunch after my appointment”.  I picked up my phone to call and then the realization hit me….dad isn’t here anymore.  I can never have lunch with my dad again.  I thought my heart was going to rip in two.    But, I couldn’t cry cuz I was almost to the doctor and, well, who wants to walk into the doctor with puffy eyes, a red nose and looking like you’ve just been crying??? Not me!  So, I sucked it up, and went to my appointment. 

Part of my problem, I think, is that I am in a lot of pain right now from whatever is wrong with my back.  I mean, PAIN!  It is unlike any pain I have felt and no matter what I do I can’t seem to get any  relief from it.  I do have medication from the doctor that I take but that just cuts the pain for a little while, wears off and it is still hours before I can take more.  I usually am pretty good about pain.  I have been dealing with it for so many years that after a while, you just get to know your body, start knowing what you can and can’t handle, what the triggers are and how to stay away from inflicting extra pain on an already hurting body.  I have a pretty high pain tolerance and can get through just about anything.  But this is different.  This pain makes me want to literally roll around on my bed, hugging my knees to my chest, and cry.  And that doesn’t even help!  So, add that to my missing my dad and you have an all around disaster! 

So, lately I have begun doing some visualization stuff.  At night, I close my eyes and I picture Jesus, sitting there with me, wrapping his arms around me and telling me everything will be okay.  I see myself, my body, begin to relax into him, and to feel his warmth surround me.  And, then I pray.  Oftentimes I find myself fallling to sleep without even realizing it.  I think that is God’s way of helping me through one more pain filled evening.  And, I have, odd as it sounds, seen my dad in a couple of dreams.  He is usually wearing this peachy colored shirt that he always wore, that we all really hated, along with his jeans (which he called overalls, I’m not sure why cuz they weren’t) and his white tennis shoes with the velcro closures on them.  He tells me everything will be fine and I am going to be okay.  Then I end up yelling at him to get out of my room cuz he is supposed to be dead and he shouldn’t be playing those kinds of tricks on me.  Then my husband shakes me awake cuz usually I am screaming those words in my sleep..creepy and funny at the same time!  But I do think dad would want me to know that everything is going to be okay.  I just miss him and my mom so much.  And when I’m hurting it seems so much worse!

It also isn’t helping that my husband has had to work such horribly long hours to keep this business of ours going.  Granted we have been really busy with more business then he can keep up with, and that is a good thing.  But, at the same time, we aren’t making enough money to employ the amount of people we really need to keep him from having to stay down at the shop till all hours of the night…and the weekend.  I’m worried about his health, and that if he keeps up this pace for too  much longer it’s going to be disasterous!  But, I’m not sure how to help him either.  I do as much as I can to help out with things, at the same time helping out with the kids, grand kids, the house, the day to day life.  And, if I am THIS exhausted I can only imagine how he feels!  But also we don’t get to spend much time together..I mean real quality time, time uninterrupted by work or kids or just stuff.  Usually our time consists of sleeping.  So, then I worry about our marriage, and our life and all that crap starts creeping in, you know, those thoughts that you don’t want to have!  Just worries! 

So, needless to say things have been a bit stressful and I’m really not sure when that will end.  I really don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel right now.  I’m always telling my kids that they need to keep looking ahead that things will always get better, they are reaching for their own goals and dreams right now…and they need to hang on to that.  Then I wonder…what are we, my husband and I, reaching for?  Where is my light at the end of the tunnel? 

Ahh..the wonder of doubt!  I just need to keep reminding myself that “all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”  Surely he can make a beautiful creation out of the chaos that is my life right now!  That’s what I need to hold on to and believe…..somehow there is beauty and joy in the mess!!!!!

My rant about the women on the view…..

I don’t normally watch the view as a  habit, but I have tuned in now and again.  There are times, when they are chatting, that I find them sort of fun and interesting.  However, whenever they get on to politics I pretty much just want to muzzle them….well most of them.  Here is my problem.  There are 3 sometimes 4 women on the show who are politically very liberal and then there is Elizabeth Hasselbeck.  She is a conservative..and like the liberals she is not afraid to speak her mind.  I’m not going to debate whether I agree with her or the others or not..that isn’t my problem.  My problem is the lack of fair journalism on that show.  When Elizabeth speaks she is immediately attacked by the other women barely able to get a word in edge wise.  She has no one on that show as a partner in crime, so to speak, and often times they are all just rude to her…almost blasting her for her religious and moral beliefs as well.  It is really fine to believe in what you want..after all this is america…and it is fine to  have whatever political views you want.  However, if you have a TELEVISION show called THE VIEW shouldnt it be evenly spread so that all views are heard not just the loudest of the five women?  No one can even attempt to disagree with Joy Behar…heaven forbid…and if Ellizabeth disagrees it is like heaven and hell have converged to take over the planet! 

So, that’s my view rant for the day…fair honest journalism, that’s all I’m askin!  At least even out the playing field!