Arizona Illegal immigration law

Time for another rant from your favorite blogging ranter!  First let me say I am not a politician.  I am simply a resident of the state of Arizona.  I live in Phoenix and have lived here for over 23 years.  Over the years I have watched the problem of illegal immigration become bigger and bigger and more and more dangerous.  Not only that, I have watched our childrens education change with more money being spent to pay for education for kids of illegal immigrants.  Now, granted, it isn’t the fault of those kids, they were, most of them, born here so they are not here illegally, however thier parents are!  And we, the citizens of Arizona, paying for their education, and our kids education is suffering because of it.  Case in point…I have kids who are in special ed.  Over the past 10 years special education funding has been cut in our public schools in Arizona in order to increase the money to pay for funding of “english learning” classes for those kids who are here by way of illegal immigration.  I am paying for those kids to learn english, while their parents are here illegally, and my kids, who need special education, and I am here legally, are suffering because of it…just one example.

Then there are the coyotes who buy, sell and trade human beings for money, to get them across the border, often times for prostitution, drug dealers and the like.  We were watching TV about a month ago and the news broke in with a police chase of a white pick up truck driving through town.  The police had tried to pull the truck over because the driver was driving irradically.  The truck did pull over however as soon as the officer pulled up behind the truck the truck sped away and so a chase ensued. Now, it wasn’t a high speed chase.  The truck was tracked not only on the ground but by air as well.  It was a slow speed chase through town, side streets, and freeways, however, there were a few very close calls with cars where the truck almost had a couple of, what would have been, very bad collisions with other drivers who were merely minding their own business.  After what seemed like a very long police chase the truck finally pulled into a front yard and two people climbed out of the front seat of the truck and laid down on the ground.  Thinking it was over the police officers cuffed the men and went with guns drawn to look at the rest of the truck.  And to their surprise, hiding under a peice of plywood in the bed of the truck was about 12 illegals, and inside the truck climbed out about 12 more.  It looked like one of those clown cars from the circus with all those people climbing out.  They just never stopped coming out, more and more and more.  Can you imagine how many people would have been hurt if there had been an accident???  And the cost to AZ law enforcement for that chase and now to process those folks in the truck and to send them back to where they came from.  That is not an isolated incident.  These kinds of things happen everyday, several times a day in arizona.  A drop house raided, someone kidnapped and held against their will to be sold into slavery, drug killing, people dying in the desert trying to cross the border.  Every day!  Don’t get me wrong, I feel for people who don’t want to be where they live, who are being mistreated in the countries they live in.  There are atrocities all over this world.  But guess what, we as americans cannot get into Mexico without a passport, we cannot get into england, paris, Israel, Iran, Iraq without a passport, visa proper papers to allow us in.  And if we try we would be thrown into some really horrible prisons, places that are worse then our worst nightmares and we would have a hec of a time getting out.  But in the US if you are an illegal you are sent to a prison and treated decently, fed 3 squares a day, room and board paid for by the american citizen! 

I have a brother in law who is a police officer and they have been arresting illegal immigrants for years.  It is not racial profiling anymore then arresting drug dealers is “medical” profiling.  Illegal immigrants are just that ILLEGAL!!!!!  They can’t just single someone out because of the color of their skin.  There has to be other mitigating circumstances, as in the case of the truck I mentioned earlier.  Alot like the seat belt law.  If you are pulled over for another traffic violation at that time you can be sighted for not wearing your seatbelt! 

That is my rant for the day!

i’m not a quitter….

But, I’m starting to wonder.  I’m so so tired.  My body is rebelling in the worst possible way.  I feel things slipping away, my sense of  humor, my normally easy going attitude, my go with the flow attitude, my take it as it comes personality.  I am usually a giver.  I typically am unable to say no, to anyone, ever, never.  Maybe not a great attribute for someone with a chronic illness, but one that I have actually been proud of.  Because when I was really needed by my kids, by my step kids, by my grandkids, by my husband, I tried my hardest, my darndest to say yes unless I absolutely was too sick, too tired to do it.  That’s who I am, who Iwas.  Now, though,  I’m tired.  I want to lie down, I want to rest.  My bones feel like they are sponges that can no longer hold the skin around them up.  And I mean this in the most literal of ways.  I picked up my husbands dry cleaning today.  When I went to hang it in the closet today, not the most exhertive of activities, I found I couldn’t hold up 3 shirts at a time to hang them on the rack.  Seriously….3 shirts!  I had to lay it all down and hang 3 things at a time, take a breath, hang three more.  By the time I was done I felt as if I had run an entire marathon.  Now let me clue you in.  I excersize.  I walk on a treadmill 3 times a week for 45 minutes at a time.  So, it’s not like I get no excersize at all.  Not to mention the running around I do picking up kid etc.  I know my doctor told me that the muscle in my upper body is deteriorating, that the nerves are dissapating, that there is something not right there..but this is beyond ridiculous.  And I have an entire  house to pack.  Needless to say I sat down then and there and boo hooed for a good 45 min…not that it did any good…but I did it none the less.  I tend not to cry in front of kids, husband, siblings you know the drill.  It doesn’t do any good any way…what does it change? it is what it is.  I am sick. No one can change that.  But today, hanging that clothes up I got angry…really really angry. I was pissed off at God, at myself, at, well at everyone and everything.  My kids deserve a mom that is 100%.  My husband deserves a wife that is 100%.  And I deserve ME!  But I am what I am! 

Today is one of those days that I think it would be better for me to go away for a few weeks and come back when the move is done, when the stress is over, maybe i wouldn’t hurt so much, or cry so hard.  Maybe the infection would go away for a little while.  Just maybe I could feel human for just a tiny bit!

And then there were comments this week about my “graciousness…or showing of grace and compassion” toward my wayward stepsons.  It doesn’t really matter who the comments came from.  The fact is that they were made.  And again, this blog will be read, there will be anger toward these words…and oh well.  But here is what I have to say about that.  No, the boys are not mine.  And no, maybe I haven’t treated them like I would have treated my own.  The point is that my own children did not go down that path so I didn’t need to ever address those issues…but that isn’t because they werent introduced to drugs…because in fact they were…by my step son…and they were strong enough to go another direction. It amazes me that 5 Kids were all raised under this same roof and yet three all stayed straight, had good grades, goals, ambitions, their heads on straight, and two; the two without any discipline, went down the totally wayward path they did. Had my kids made the choices my stepsons made I can say with certainty there would have been consequences for their actions..there would have been steps taken to make sure that patterns were stopped before they got to a point that they were unstoppable.  I  have given and given and given to the point of my own kids leaving our home because my step kids were threatening to them.  I have tried to be a team player in every area but when all I am given is the responsibility of “picking the boys up when they get into trouble” and that ends my involvement, that isnt’ really being a part of the team.  Being part of the team is having  input in discipline, in problem solving, in how to fix it all….i had no say in any of that.  I was just the driver, the cook, the ‘come pick me up, can I have some money for the bus or movies or what ever,” person.  Honestly, I tried my hardest to make this place a family.  The kids here loved each other.  They miss each other.  I wanted this to be a safe place, a happy, honest good place.  But I got no support from the other end.  And the kids felt that…they knew that.  And now, they need help.  Help that I cannot give.  And I hope they get that help and that one day there can be a reuniting of everyone and we can be a family again.  It truly breaks my heart to  hear someone say, that they believe that I didn’t have enough compassion or grace….HOW DARE THEY! Until they walk a mile in my shoes they will never ever know!    They will never know the days I cried, over all of this.  How I worried.  How I prayed.   They weren’t JUST step kids to me.  They ARE family.

Gotta post this video….

It’s been a pretty busy weekend so far.  We’ve been looking at some houses.  found some nice places.  I’m sure we will find the perfect spot for us!  We went to watch my neice and my brother in law do a dance show case this evening. It was  alot of fun.  We actually have gift certificates to take some dance classes.  So tonight after the showcase the instructors pulled us up onto the dance floor and gave us sort of an impromptu lesson and taught us a crash course in the merenge (if that’s how you spell it).  Well, after I broke a hip, was kicked off the floor by an 80 year old woman who was much better then me and was asked repeatedly to never return to the dance place, I decided we didn’t do so badly for our first time out! LOL.  Seriously, we had a good time.  We will be going back soon to take an actual class.  I will have to be careful, because I was pretty worn out just after that one dance, as sad as that is.  but it was fun.

So, on to the video.  This is my grandson, who is only 8 weeks old, trying to hold up his head…he was born premature at 2 lbs 8 oz, he is only under 6 lbs now.  He actually looks more like he is trying to crawl or perhaps run a marathon in this video rather then just lift his head.  He has amazing strength for such a little guy!  What a little trooper he is!

wyatt lifting head

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i’m on a rollercoaster. Did I mention I hate rollercoasters?

Life has been one wild ride lately. And it certainly doesn’t seem like it’s gonna slow down anytime soon.  We have a big move comin up, but as of yet have found no house to move into.  My hubby keeps trying to calm me down…we will find a place, the right place for us, where we need it to be, what we need it to be, God will provide, He always does, but, I’m, well quite frankly, scared.  Business is growing but never fast enough to keep up with the out go!  Isn’t that always how it goes?  I’m not really sure because I have never owned a business… probably because I am tooo afraid of that stuff…so it is best if I don’t own a business!  My health..well always a difficult prospect.  Still trying to figure out the back thing.  Sunday my left side was so painful I was in tears. … in front of my husband!  I very rarely cry in front of my kids or husband…any family for that matter, because of pain.  That is something that I do in private, where no one can see me.  But Sunday I couldn’t take it anymore.  I’m tired, I’m tired of the pain, of the fatigue, of the never ending feeling that I can’t go one step further.  And there seems to be more and more days when I feel like I just can’t make it through the entire day without wearing out sooner then the day before.  I cannot stand that feeling.  I am only 47 years old!  But, it is what it is!  Most days I understand that, I deal with it, I move on and keep my chin up and hold on to the knowledge that there is a power greater then me moving me forward.  But lately it almost seems like an impossible task.

I went to the dentist monday and found out about getting my new teeth.  And while that is exciting, the journey to getting them is paved with many un savory moments.  But, I will go through those moments in order to not look like I am from the trailer park down on Van Buren Street! (No offense to those of you who live in the trailer park on van buren street!)  It just seems like every day there seems to be a new struggle, a new issue, a new problem that gets blasted into our lives…some that I write about and some that I don’t, that push this rollercoaster around and around and up and down and sideways, makine me dizzy and nauseus.  And I cannot stand roller coasters.  Not even little bitty ones!  I’m so ready to be done now!

There are days when I have an overwhelming feeling of warmth, of positivity, that all will be well!  It’s like God is Saying to me “Lori, I haven’t left you alone, you are okay! You will be okay!”  But then 10 min later I find myself saying, “Yeah right God, you say that, but Look at me, I’m sick, I can’t find a house, my teeth are falling out, how can my husband love me lookin like this?  I can barely stay awake till 10PM, what are You thinkin?”  And I worry about my kids and what they would do if anything happened to me.  I’m sure they would be fine. They are smart and resourceful kids, but you know us moms, we want to seem like our children could never survive without us!  And, honestly, I’m not so sure that mine could!:) 

The last month or two have just been very overwhelming for me.  I have had to reevaluate so many things, feelings, relationships and priorities in my own life.  And I am having to learn, one more time, how to rest and say no!  Which is not easy for me.  Uh oh…I think I feel another hill coming……