There are days….

There are days when I wonder

Is this all there is?

Is the world turning but I am just standing still?

There are days when I wonder

Am I a good mom? Grandma?  Step mom?

Have I trained up my children in the way that they should go?

Will they remember?

Am I enough of a woman for my husband.

There are days when I wonder

Is my mom looking down

Is she proud of where I’m going?

Was she proud of where I’ve been?

But then there are days that I know

I  have loved my kids with all my heart.

I have tried my hardest to show them

GRACE.

God’s grace.

I know…

That I am moving forward

as best as I can, one foot in front of the other

Lupus be damned.

I know…

I love my husband unconditionally.

We forgive, although sometimes hard to forget

We forge onward into the building of a life.

We love completely, whole heartedly.

Our passion isn’t held back.

And I know….

My mom is looking down

She is loving me from heaven

She is proud of me, proud of my children

She knows she taught me well

the meaning of

Amazing grace.

Mother’s day

“What do you want for Mother’s day this year?”, they asked.  They ask it every year.  And every year I say the same thing.  You don’t need to get me anything.  Cuz they really don’t.  I’d love it if they would clean thier rooms, or clean out the dishwasher, or something like that without being asked.  That would be lovely!  But, seriously, a gift is not needed! 

What I really wish for, hope for, pray for every day is that my kids grow up to be strong adults with good heads on their shoulders.  I pray that they make wise choices as they are growing up and choose not to get involved in “stupid stuff” that will lead them down avenues that could destroy them, or harm them in anyway.  And, if they do make mistakes, which I know they all will, I pray they learn from them and don’t repeat them. 

For the boys in this family I pray they learn to be great to women, kind, loyal, loving and true.  That they respect themselves enough to respect the women in their lives.  I hope they make long lasting friendships that they can carry with them through life, bonds that are strong and reach across the years.  I hope they have the courage to chase after their hopes and desires and live their lives to the fullest.  I pray that they continue to build their relationships with each other and lean on each other…that they watch out for one another…remember they are brothers.

For my girls I pray that they are strong, fighters, that they are also gentle and caring.  I hope they have open hearts, that they can learn to trust and feel free to love and be loved.  I pray that God brings some one into their lives that will love them without condition, who will be supportive and a partner and friend to them.  It is my wish that they will feel free to dream and reach for those dreams and desires, that they will fly through life with joy and grace.  And that they will always hold tight to each other as sisters. 

Each and every day, if all those things could happen for my children, this blended family of mine, all of my mother’s day wishes would be fulfilled. 

Happy Mother’s day to all you mom’s out there.  May all  your mother’s hearts dreams come true for you!

Where

I know every mom out there wonders when they will have a chance to go to the bathroom uninterrupted, or eat without having to get up from the table to get something for someone, or just be able to get in bed without having to get up several times to make sure a kid is in bed or to get someone water, make sure the doors are locked or whatever.  To those moms’ out there…this one’s for you. ( oh and you single dad’s too!!!!)

 

 

Where

 

When they skin their knees,

When a cold wears them down,

Where do they go?

When a bully is mean

And brings them to tears

Where do they go?

 

They come to me.

 

When life treats them poorly

When their hearts break

When they find their first love

When their first love is gone

Where do they go?

 

They come to me

 

When they’ve had a hard day

When a case falls apart

When work is unbearable

When they need to sound off

Where do they go

 

They come to me

 

When I’ve had a bad day

When I don’t feel like smiling

When things overwhelm me

When I wish I could scream

Where do I go?

 

I stuff it..

 

Inside of me.

 

Inside of me

 

L.G. 2006

Lupus

Needles, pills, fatigue

life of endless pain.

going through the motions

wanting to go insane

Never ending worry

sickness in and out

the illness is judge and jury

there is no way out.

I’ll fight until the end

until the pain subsides

I’ll never let it win

I’ll make it through the tides.

Deep breaths and hopes and dreams

some that seem out of reach

the tears never end it seems

it sucks my strength like a leech.

But I will keep fighting the battle

the war is mine to win

for my kids, my husband, myself

for the others yet to begin.

The slow and silent killer

it lays in wait to destroy

But I won’t let it kill me

my life won’t be it’s toy!

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