January 15, 2009 at 10:59 pm (depression, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage)
Tags: business, children, chronic illness, crime, economy, health, Life, RELIGION, theft, thoughts
You know how people talk about feeling violated when their house or car is broken into? Well today, I feel violated. My purse was stolen out of my office today…while we were in the building. I mean, someone walked into my office, and just took it and walked back out again. What a horribly overwhelming feeling of being lost. All my identification, my credit cards, my medications, my camera, cell phone even my car and office keys were in my purse! Now someone else has it and what they will do with it who knows?
So, who do you call first? Do you call the doctor and pharmacy? The bank? Cell company? I couldn’t even call my kids cell phone numbers cuz, guess what…they are all stored on my cell phone. I’m not smart enough to write them down in an address book. Who carries those things anymore? And even if I did it would be gone with my purse! My brain just isn’t smart enough to remember all those numbers anymore. I guess I will have to get an address book for the office and one for the house with all personal cell phones in them….geez!
So, there is an update of my day. OH, gotta run. The police just got here to take a report and then the locksmith will change the locks on the office door. I hope they catch whoever did this!
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January 7, 2009 at 6:55 pm (life in our world of insanity)
Tags: blogging, chronic illness, health, illness, Lupus, thoughts
And they aren’t pretty! I got the lab work results back today and they aren’t great. My tryglicerides are really high, high cholesterol, which isn’t a good thing. But worse then that my kidney functions aren’t great! And, my blood platelet level is way out of the ball park. So, what are they gonna do about it? Well, not much right now. I am being put on a couple of new prescriptions. My blood pressure is high, which the doctor said eventually happens with Lupus. But, I have been a person who really wants to stay away from steroids as much as I can. So, with that in mind the doctor is working with me on regulating things, hopefully, without having to put me back on steroids.
My ANA came back negative, which for me is not unusual. I am one of those weird cases who has those bounce around like yo yo’s…back and forth. So, really we can never rely on that to be a tell all in the lupus department. Those of you who have lupus know what I mean! There are so many other “tells” to this illness besides blood work, and some doctors get focused so much on the blood work that they forget to look at the body signals. My doctor, thankfully, is not one of those. He listens to me and to my body and does the blood work as well…to stay on top of everything.
The most important for me right now is the kidney thing and the high blood pressure. I don’t want my kidneys damaged by this disease. How am I going to keep that from happening? I don’t know yet. Only time will tell. But for now, I will rest more, not stress so much and change my eating habits for sure!
So, how is your day?
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December 3, 2008 at 8:32 pm (BLENDED FAMILY, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage, the life of a lupus survivor)
Tags: chronic illness, economy, government, health, Life, Lupus, medical, politics, rambling, thoughts
So, here I am again, on my way to looking like an Angelina Jolie clone with my lips protruding past the doorway before I enter a room and i have developed yet another wonderful, unknown crazy thing goin on. I am getting these little hard bumps on my face. No, they are not zits, they don’t pop, they are hard and just don’t go away…almost mole like only white. Has anyone else had the pleasure of these companions on your face? If so do you know what they are and how to rid myself of them? Not that I don’t like making new friends and having company around me…but these are not really the type of friends I wanted right now….(just a little lupus humor). I have one by my eye that actually even hurts alittle.
I am in the process of waiting for my new insurance to kick in so a trip to the doctor right now to have these little creatures examined would be a big expense I just can’t afford. So, I will wait until Jan 1, 2009 when I hope that a new dawn begins and everyone will be rich, healthy and happy. Till then, these little gremlins will remain on my face…covered with great amounts of cover up of course, and we will live in harmony together!
Just another day in the life…..
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November 14, 2008 at 4:45 pm (BLENDED FAMILY, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage, the life of a lupus survivor)
Tags: blogging, chronic illness, depression, divorce, Family, kids, marriage, random, thoughts
I need to clean my house. I need to take a nap. I need a vacation. I need….I need something more. This is and has been one of those weeks in my life when I have been pondering, probably to my detriment, my life, where I am and why I am where I am. There are a lot of things that can’t be changed. There are a lot of responsibilities and things that are unavoidable. And that is a fact for all of us. However, I think we all come to a spot in the road at one time or another, possibly many times, when we wonder is this it? I know I have been at that cross road a lot lately. Especially since my diagnosis with Lupus.
I always thought my life would add up to more. I thought I would go further, climb bigger mountains, make a bigger mark on this world. I thought my life would matter more in the grand scheme of things. Maybe we all think that. Somewhere, somehow I got off track and took a wrong turn and ended up here, with a chronic disease, in a place where I wonder if this is all there is. Is fatigue and headaches, depression and feeling sick to my stomach what I get the joy of living with for ever? Because to be honest i’m a little tired of it now. I try really hard to be upbeat, positive and focused on the great and good in my life. Afterall, I do have good…I have amazing kids that I couldn’t be prouder of. I have a husband who loves me who works harder then seems humanly possible to get a business off the ground that in this economy seems like an impossibility. I have a roof over my head, food on the table. So, then why do I feel weighed down? Why do I feel as if there is an anchor pulling me toward the bottom of the ocean threatening to drown me?
It is by sheer grace alone that I have come as far as I have. Going through a divorce and dealing on a daily basis with the garbage that goes with that has not been easy for me. There are days when I want to lash out and scream at the top of my lungs about the unfairness of my particular situation with the “father” of my kids. And, I realize speaking poorly of my kids dad is not what you’re supposed to do. But, I do it…and more often then I should. But getting angry doesn’t change who he is or what has happened or how my kids feel about him. I can’t tell them not to love him, not to want to be with him, not to want to have a relationship with him no matter how much I would love for that to happen at times. Those of you who have gone through divorce and have watched one parent be the good time parent while you are the parent who has shouldered the bulk of the responsibility for the reality of raising the kids know what I am talking about. And I know it hurts my kids when they are put in the middle, and it is wrong. But don’t we all just want some validation of the good we have done? Don’t we all just want to feel like our life has meant something and that all the tears and anger and pain have at least been worth a little? Or that it hasn’t gone unnoticed?
So, is this all there is? Is this how my life is to be played out? Isn’t there anything more? And if there is how do I find it? Where do I go from here?
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