September 29, 2009 at 5:55 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: blogging, depression, Family, health, Life, Lupus, medical, news, thoughts, writing
It would seem that in the whole vast realm that is my blog (Ha ha) “lupus can be predictable” seems to be the most read post. I guess that’s a good thing because it means that more people are trying to get a handle on this whole lupus disease. It’s a little perplexing to me that more people don’t know about lupus and the affects that it has on a family, on a person, on life in general. Cancer is such a focus…and heart disease…high blood pressure… diabetes. But lupus?? Hmm…but the reality is that all those former mentioned illnesses are often associated with lupus. A lupus warrior ( I call them warriors because every day they go about their lives looking normal, acting normal, not letting on they are seriously hurting) can struggle everyday with cancer ( I have had squamous cell on my shoulder) heart disease, high blood pressure ( I am on three blood pressure meds and mine still averages 151/101) not to mention lung infections, arthritus, shingles, irritable bowel syndrome, blood clotting disorders, migraines, and a host of other ailments that just happen to accompany lupus.
A lupus warrior gets used to reading their own bodies to feel when a flare is coming on. Oftentimes we are very good at acting, we can pretend that everything is okay when it really isn’t. But we ourselves KNOW when something isn’t right. And, my family is getting pretty good at spotting when things are not quite right with me. But, even then I try my hardest to throw them off the scent and pretend like things are good.
For instance, I have been battling a migraine for about 2 days now. But I still ran my kids around from here to there, I am going to lunch with dad today, I am trying my hardest to clean this messy house of mine, and keep moving. Because in reality, there is only so long that someone can stay in bed, laying around, before they feel totally worthless and the depression that exists in the background of your mind everyday, moves to the forefront and destroys your day, week, month whatever. So, I plug on. But, tomorrow, when I have exhausted myself with trying to be a “good mom, good daughter, good wife” I will be in bed hardly able to move wishing I had taken better care of myself. Hence, the predictable part of lupus.
So, if you know someone with lupus or you yourself have it, know that you are not alone in your struggle, and fight. Know that there are many many of us out here who are dealing this on a daily basis yet feeling hopelessly alone. And don’t forget to at least some of the time take care of you!!!!!! And, keep fighting!
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September 24, 2009 at 11:12 pm (Uncategorized)
Tags: blogging, depression, dinner, Family, grace, kids, Life, marriage, parenting, stepfamilies, stress, thoughts, writing
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Huge cotton candy desert!
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I have been feeling gross all day today. My stomach is churning and nothing that I eat stays inside of me for very long. I’m not sure if I have a flu bug, or if it is just stress from the goings on of our home at this time. I want so badly to write something positive and uplifting and life affirming here today. I want to feel those things…faith grace mercy, joy, happiness. But these days all I seem to feel is defeated and tired. It would appear that life is giving me lemons right now and I am not sure how to make the lemonade! Has anyone ever had those kinds of time in life?
I try to really look for the good in every situation. I stand by the fact that God’s grace is sufficient for me, but I gotta say that this is a time, in my life, which hasn’t really happened very often, that I am doubting..doubting myself, my life, my marriage, my family…I’m doubting god. This is one of those times, like when I first was diagnosed with Lupus, when I don’t see any end in sight or at least not very soon. And, it’s not just the crud going on with my stepson, it is a whole lot of strange things goin on in my life. Maybe I am going through menopausal mid life crisis. I’m telling you those hot flashes are way worse then my mom said, and she said they were pretty bad!
We had a really fun weekend last weekend. My stepson had basically run away on friday night and wasn’t heard from all weekend…so, we went to a movie and took my kids, yes MY KIDS to this great resturant over by the new cardinals arena. We had a great time laughing and being together…like old times. My other step son was with us and he gets a long with my kids great! There was no stress going on about the other step son, no mention of him, no chatter about him nothing. And…NO TEXTS or PHONE CALLS from my husbands’ ex about him (which are dozens on a typical day). We were just us again, back to normal. Then Sunday came and once again all hell broke loose! The step son was brought by his mom back to our house, after having been on the run all weekend, and was given no consequences for that, no punishment it was back to life as normal…with him calling all the shots. But for that one moment in time it was good. I have tried and tried to tell my husband “do you see what he is doing to all of us” but…to no avail. anyway, I thought I would post some photos of the fun we had for that split second in time!
- Huge cotton candy desert!
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July 28, 2009 at 11:37 pm (BLENDED FAMILY, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage)
Tags: depression, education, entertainment, Family, kids, Life, love, music, parents, relationships, stepfamilies, thoughts
done
Life takes some really strange turns. Lately my life has gone all topsy turvey upside down and sideways. I feel like I have to take a step back, breathe and try to gain perspective. I’m not going to lie…having a step son in trouble is difficult at best. It has caused so much hurt and heartache not just for his parents but his step parents, siblings and step siblings. It has caused rifts between people, relationships are being hurt and the sad truth is that he, himself, doesn’t even realize the scope of harm his actions have caused. I want to believe that he has turned a corner and that this has been a wake up call for him, I’m praying for that. But my gut tells me different. And, I’m not sure who can get through to him.
But, on a positive note, my son….my talented son….got a chance to play for the first time at church. I was so proud of him. He has amazing musical talent, as does my daughter. I am so proud of all three of my kids and how hard they have worked to get where they are. Life hasn’t always been easy or kind to them, but they have grown into extraordinary human beings.
So, here is my son playing his bass at church…and a video of my daughter and son…he is playing and she is singing. done
[wpvideo G3vqd0IE]
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July 7, 2009 at 2:42 am (BLENDED FAMILY, depression, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage)
Tags: crime, delinquents, depression, Family, grace, love, marriage, relationship, stepkids
This is an incredibly hard time in my life. So many things are happening and I feel like I am spinning out of control. I have people pulling me in every direction you can imagine. It is really difficult when there is a kid in the family who has caused stress, grief, and hurt and then that child is thrust back upon the rest of the family…it sort of all falls apart. And, mom, that would be me, is pushed into the middle.
Step families are hard as it is. Trying to keep a semblance of normalcy is difficult at best. But add into that a wayward child and things go all hay wire. And, everyone has an opinion on how things should or shouldn’t be handled. I’m just trying to hold it all together and stay healthy at the same time. Not an easy task.
Marriage is hard. Marriage with kids is really hard. No one truly sees how a marriage is except the people in that marriage, yet everyone has an opinion on that as well. I’m not a quitter. I don’t give up on people easily. And, I love with all my heart. I just really wish that everyone could see that I am doing the best I can. I have put everyone else first always. Now it is time for me to listen to my heart, and try to hold it together…..because I believe that is the way it should be! Everyone has their opinions, they try to tell me what to do or what is “best for me”. But really, only I can know what I need to do. I have lived a lot of life in my 46 years. I’m not stupid. I love my kids, and I love my husband. It is really a shame that there are some people who think I have to choose and that there is no way to work things out. It takes time to mend things…especially under the circumstances we are under. I am honestly doing the best that I can.
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