February 21, 2009 at 5:21 pm (family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage)
Tags: Family, grace, health, hope, illness, love, Lupus, marriage, random, relationship, shingles, thoughts
I hate being sick! I know I am permanently sick…but being sick like infused with infectious disease oozing out your pores kind of sick…well that’s just gross and ishy! And I don’t like it. I have been flat in bed for a week. Today is really my first trek out into the real world. And yes, it was to the office, to open mail, and catch up with out phones ringing off the hook and people bothering me. It is silent here, peaceful and uninterrupted…and a change of scenry! Now, however, I am getting a bit sleepy and am ready to go back home to the warmth of my comfy bed, my mickey mouse blanket from disney land (Which, by the way the dog has somehow decided is her blanket NOT mine), and watch a little TV…like I haven’t done enough of that over the last week.
So, what ended up being wrong with me you ask??? You did ask right??? Well, if you didnt..too bad, I’m gonna tell you anyway! I have a profound case of shingles…and a staff infection and a fungus (ewww). So, I am on this medicine that is upsetting my stomach tremendously, and causing me grief! I have sores all over me that make me look like I have been mauled by a tiger, and I am just nasty ugly. I even asked my husband if he wanted to have sex and he said “you’re kidding me right??” Just kidding…I didn’t really ask him that…I dont want anyone touching me it hurts too much to be touched but at the same time I really feel like I want someone to hold on to me. But then when anyone comes near me, my husband, kids whoever, I tell them “not to hard, not to tight…it hurts…back away”. I even scream when I get in the shower cuz the spray of water hurts like a bizillion pins hitting my skin. Does it sound fun yet? It’s a disney ride let me tell ya!
And just when I think it is getting remotely better I get a twinge in my lower back, or upper shoulders, this ache, this pain that becomes relentless and doesn’t go away. I’m trying to stay away from the pain meds they gave me cuz they just keep me sleepy all the time, but at the same time they do take the pain away.
Hopefully this won’t be a long drawn out process. I would love to be back among the living sooner rather then later. It is stressful being functional, it is even more stressful being totally un functional!
Oh well carpe diem! Or is is Crappy Dayum??? who knows!
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October 27, 2008 at 11:36 pm (BLENDED FAMILY, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage, the life of a lupus survivor)
Tags: college, daughter, Family, grace, hope, journalism, kids, Moms, politics, prayer, random, senate, thoughts
Tomorrow is a HUGE day for my daughter. I know she will kill me if she reads this but…big whoop. Mom’s were put on this earth to humiliate their daugthers..so that is what I am going to do. Tomorrow she has an interview…interview number two, at the Capital building in Phoenix for a big internship that she is just dying to get. It would be a great opportunity for her. She would basically be working for the legislature in various capacities such as speech writer, on the floor of the senate and house and things like that. She is in her senior year at the U of A majoring in Journalism and this internship would finish out her final semester.
I couldn’t be prouder of her whether she gets it or not. But, I am certainly going to be praying all day tomorrow until 3:30 that things go the way they are supposed to go for her. She has worked so hard all her life, I mean really worked her tail off, for everything and every opportunity she has gotten. She totally deserves this.
So, whoever reads this, whoever skims their eyes over these words tonight or tomorrow, please send up a few words for my little girl. Ask God to send a little bit of Grace her way. She could really use the boost!
thanks!
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October 3, 2008 at 1:18 am (BLENDED FAMILY, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage, the life of a lupus survivor)
Tags: books, grace, hope, reading, the shack
There is a quote in a book called “the Shack” that says
” Grace doesn’t depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors.” Isn’t that a beautiful statement? The fact that grace can take suffering and make something colorful and beautiful out of it, something life altering and changing, is amazing to me. Take lupus for instance. I never would have thought, when I was diagnosed with this illness that it would ultimately be a positive in my life. Although it is trying at times, it is also a growing opportunity, a time for sharing with my children how to rely on God, how to pray, how to have faith and trust that God can get me through. It is a chance to work towards a cure, a time to bond with others who are in the same boat I am and to give others a word of encouragement when they have a rough day. Grace uses times of suffering to bring color into my own life!
Think about the trials in your own life…turn those times around and look at them from a different vantage point. Rewind those moments…relook..rethink…see the colors…the facets…the glimmers of hope and grace.
God doesn’t bring the suffering but He does use those moments for his purposes!
I highly recommend the book the shack by William P. Young.
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May 21, 2008 at 8:55 pm (BLENDED FAMILY, family and life, life in our world of insanity, marriage, the life of a lupus survivor)
Tags: Family, grace, heart, hope, hugs, hurt, kids, love, Moms, pain, sadness
Lately I have been running into the problem of not knowing how to respond or help my kids deal with their problems. My kids are getting older, and I have step kids are grown adults with kids of their own…with grown up problems. And honestly, there are days when I don’t feel quite adequate or smart enough to help them, let alone give them advice.
Let’s face it, I am divorced…obviously screwed up in at least one marriage. Even though I would love to place all the blame on my ex we all know it takes two to tango, to make a marriage and to get a divorce. So, somewhere along the line, I did screw up. I was really overweight at one time….yep…I lost like 80 pounds a few years back. I have managed to keep most of it off, but still, not a great one when it comes to showing the way when it comes to eating right.
I have a chronic disease that, while I try my best to take care of myself, I don’t always do “just what the doctor ordered”. (Kids if you are reading this please forget you read that last bit…mom always, always does what the doc tells her to do:)) Seriously, I would love to say I am the perfect role model for how to live a pure life of health with a chronic disorder….but…I’m not.
Really the only thing that I truly feel is in my favor when it comes to giving my kids advice is that I really do believe in grace. I believe in my whole heart that God created us to be Grace filled beings, to love and be loved. And I know how to love. I think my kids would tell you that there are times when I “love them” just a little too much…LOL. Especially the teenage boys who really don’t like those public displays of affection. Now it’s the knuckle pound…that has to suffice for an “I love you mom”.
So, the question is, how is it that my mom seemed to know the right answers to everything and I feel so lost? Was she just good at bluffing her way through this mom stuff like I am?? Or was her belief in grace and her knowing how to love us as kids enough to make up for the lack of answers sometimes? Cuz during those times of hurt, and pain and sadness, when I don’t have a clue what to say, I really hope that my love, my heart and my hug is enough to let them know that at least I am trying to think up an answer. Cuz I’m afraid if they knew how little I know….well….where would that leave me?
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