I’m generally a happy positive person. But there are days. Today, on the way to work, after giving my son a breathing treatment, I realized that I may have left my curling iron on. When I finally convinced myself that I hadn’t actually done that..mainly cuz I hadn’t curled my hair this morning, and I continued to drive down the freeway feeling relatively safe about not burning the house down, other sort of hazards started popping into my head. What if my asthmatic son, who sat at home, without me, started having some horrendous breathing problems, that I wasn’t there to help him through and he was unable to dial 911 on the phone that I had strategically placed next to his hand on his bed? I would forever be guilt ridden over his untimely dimise and never forgive myself. And then there’s the crock pot…the fire hazard from hell, that sat on the cupboard in the kitchen leaking pork rib juice all over waiting for flames to burst forth up to the ceiling engulfing the whole house into an enferno of barbeque sauce. Then the thought occurred…”how have I already gotten to the Thomas Road exit? Last I remembered I was way back at Dunlap.” Somewhere my mind had lapsed. I could have caused a major collision in my laxidazical mindset. Wow I am a menace to society at large and most definately the traffic on the I17. These, I have come to find are the ranting thoughts of a lunatic mom who has just begun a new career change at the ripe old age of 44. Sounds like fun huh? Actually, in reality it has been a positive for me. I finally feel like I have a purpose in life. I feel like I have a daily something to get up for, to work at, to go to, to feel a part of. Not that my kids and family aren’t important or something for me to “get up in the morning for”. But, there is nothing like being a part of a project, or a business venture that is “yours”! I’m trying to keep the lupus under control as best I can and not over tax myself which is a tricky balance and a work in progress, but God it feels good to be out of the house doing something again. I actually feel like I have a brain….the scarecrow isn’t totally stuffed with hay after all. Now all I need is the courage to confront the wizard behind the curtain and let him know that he can’t call all the shots….that he isn’t the big boss. That will be the true test of how “back in the saddle” I really am! Keep your fingers crossed!