Prayerful consideration

I think there comes a time in everyone’s life when you start wondering where has the time gone?  What have I done with the time? What can I do with the time I have left?  Some call it a midlife crisis, some call it growing up, some just call it pondering life’s reality.  I call it having lupus and feeling the symptoms right now more then I have in a while.  It’s probably because of the car accident I was in last week that gave a bit of a jolt to my system, but I have more aches then normal, a little more pain in my head then normal, things just feel different.  And for me, when things in my body feel different I tend to start thinking differently. 

So, here’s what I’m thinking.  First of all Lupus, on the whole, really sucks as a disease.  But, when compared to illnesses like cancer, or lung disease or heart failure, or even some types of diabetes it isn’t as bad.  So, there is an up side.  Have I been as involved in the Lupus foundation as I should be?  Have I really spread the word about this disease and the need to search for a cure, or at least some sort of permanent treatment?  I mean let’s be honest, people who have breast cancer know how to get attention.  MD has Jerry Lewis.  Heart Disease gets major national attention.   But Lupus…I’d say there are many many people who don’t even know what this life threatening, scary desease even is.  So, do I, as a person with this illness, someone who fights the fight everyday, do I do enough to get the word out that it’s real, that it impacts entire families, that it is not a desease that cares about age, gender or race, it attacks whomever it wants.  I don’t think I do.  How can I, one person change that?

I’ll have to give that prayerful consideration.

Here’s another thing I’ve been wondering.  What have I been teaching my children about life?  Have I been setting a good example as a parent?  Have I taught them patience and love?  Have I been a guide, a beacon showing them the way toward truth and at the same time allowing them to examine their hearts to figure out what their truth is?  Have I shown them grace?  I am a big believer in grace.  God’s grace.  But do I show them grace?  Do I practice what I preach to them?  Do I love them and tell them so every day?  And do I let the real me show through above and beyond the desease that really wants to take over on a daily basis?

I’ll have to give that prayerful consideration.

And my husband….my dear sweet husband.  I know I frustrate the hec out of him.  And I know there are days when he has to put up with more then he bargained for with me.  Do I let him know always, always that he is the only one for me?  Do I cherish him, and love him with my whole heart?  And do I tell him so?  During the rush and the day to day do I let him know that he is my hero, that he is still my knight in shining armour?  When I had my accident he came immediately to my side, he was there within minutes to make sure I was okay, to help me.  He has been concerned every minute since.  We are a partnership in a new business, we enjoy it, we laugh and share so much together there.  Do I let him know how exciting this is for me, to be working along side of him, building and growing this business, going on this journey with him?  Out of all the  women he has known, that he has loved, he chose me.  Does he know how honored I am to be his wife?  To be able to say that I am his mrs?

I’ll have to give that prayerful consideration.

Last, but certainly not least, have I thanked God for this life?  For the good, the bad, the ups and downs, the learning and growing?  Have I discussed with him all of these things that  weigh me down, that keep me awake at night? 

Tonight, before I close my eyes,  I will give it all prayerful consideration.

2 thoughts on “Prayerful consideration

  1. Carla says:

    well said.
    i’ve struggled with this a lot myself, wondering whether I should do more to help people understand lupus. but i also get so frustrated having people judge me, assuming I am lazy or a hypochondriac, or asking me weird questions like “isn’t that a form of AIDs?” or “is it contagious” etc.
    So I have decided to do my part by writing a blog like you are doing (I finally publicly outed myself on the web as having lupus after gee only 16 years! but I am still vague about it to people I don’t know, just saying I have kidney disease, which I do). I also answer any calls for content that the LFA has on their webpage (they often have writers looking to interview lupus patients).
    they recently asked for lupus patients to write a few paragraphs about a dear friend who has helped them in times of trouble.
    also i think (and actually this is in the bible “it is not wise to compare among yourselves.” Lupus can be much worse or much less severe than breast cancer. some cancer patients just have a lumpectomy, others have it travel to their lymph system and die a painful death. some lupus patients have mild fatigue and rashes while others, like me, suffer kidney failure, anemia, congestive heart failure, even a stroke during a flare- it is still a deadly disease, and most who die from lupus die of heart failure.
    I appreciate your looking for the good in the situation, just don’t want you to minimize your own problems in the process. know what I mean?
    I think that gratitude is definitely a very powerful choice. when I am feeling really stinky sorry for myself I make a gratitude list. it’s a real pick me upper!

  2. psychscribe says:

    What a lovely, lovely post…. prayerful consideration…yes indeed….

    I do agree with you and Carla that lupus just does not have the PR that other diseases, like breast cancer, have. I appreciate all that LFA does, but I do with they would work on public awareness. Also, you’re both right, people with lupus need to tell people they have it, not hide out in shame! I just “outed” myself on my blog not too long ago and it felt great 🙂

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