Today I am discovering just how much Lupus is affecting me. The kids and hubby have all left for the water park…which is pretty far from here. I couldn’t go because the sun is just my worst enemy. It would put a damper on all of their days cuz I would need to leave after about an hour. So, they went, with my blessing, to have a great time at the waterpark.
In actuality having a day all to myself isn’t all bad. The peace and quiet is a nice change from the loud and lively world we live in here on a day to day basis. However, since I really haven’t done much cleaning in the last few weeks I decided today was the day to get some stuff done. Wow was that a huge undertaking.
My lower back started to spasm almost immediately upon sweeping the floor. “Ok I can deal with this, I just take some medicine and keep going” was my thought. That got me through the kitchen, family room and one bathroom. Then I collapsed in a heap on the couch. I have so much more I want to do today while the house is all mine. I need to get some groceries, take the pool water to be tested, and finish the rest of the messy house. But I’m not sure I can do it all. I don’t know if I have anymore left in me to get it all done.
Oh good grief is that depressing! I hate letting “it” get me down like this. I hate feeling like my life is controled by some unseen being that’s lurking in my immune system. I look perfectly healthy. I look as if nothing is wrong with me whatsoever. That makes it all the harder.
So I guess today isn’t such a great day. Maybe i should have just used this day to relax, watch old movies and take some time for myself. But, I ask myself, If I did that how would the work get done around here???? And then theres’ the followup question…does it all have to be done today???? Well, it’s pretty obvious at this point that it won’t all get done today whether it needs to or not!
Maybe today lupus has won the battle…but I am going to win the war!