I thought I would post the final entry into my lupus journal for the LFA. Those of you with Lupus or who know someone who is fighting the fight of this disease will hopefully feel some connection to what I write. Those of you who don’t know much about Lupus….please learn…get invovled…help us find a cure. Help us fight and win!
The end of the journal….not the end of the fight
Posted on July 31, 2008 2:35PM
So, today is the last day to write here. I wish it were ending on more of an upbeat note but I am in the midst of a flare…so….what lies ahead I have no idea. I have learned a lot about myself through this experience. First and foremost that the fight for a cure is something that I wish and pray for daily. That I won’t stop fighting until there is a cure and I won’t stop living just because I have this disease.
There are so many emotional ramifications that come a long with an illness like lupus. I have heard from many people on my blog who fight as I do on a daily basis trying to make their lives productive and good while fighting. It is often an inner battle that others who don’t have this illness don’t understand. The symptoms and havoc it can create in your body and life are so different and varied from person to person isolation becomes, oftentimes, a refuge of sorts. A lupus fighter can look perfectly healthy on the outside but be hurting and really sick on the inside…and no one knows.
I have learned that I am a person who responds best to positives in life. If I focus too heavily on the negatives of the illness it really bogs me down. When I write in my blog I try to stay upbeat and focused on the good things around me. I feel healthier and stronger if I stay focused and positive.
I have re realized how much the people around me, those I love and care for, have to put up with because of this illness. The activities I miss out on with my family because the sun is, as someone on my blog put it, my kryptonite. The days I feel lousy and need to rest puts things with my family on hold. There is a lot of guilt and conflict involved in that. And I have learned that there are so many like me fighting every day just to stay above water in order to cope, and live and breathe and move on through life with this disease.
But there is beauty in knowing that my family, my loved ones, care so much for me. There is precious healing that happens in the laughter at “bulging swollen lips” and at the funny shapes the rashes make on my body. There is hope in the knowledge that people are out there looking for a cure, praying for a way to make the suffering and death of lupus fighters end.
And there is Grace…the grace that God allows me to move forward one day at a time, taking it as it comes and giving me the strength to push through no matter how often I want to just stop.]
My time writing this journal is ending…..but until there is a cure…or my life ends….my fight will not!