Good day everyone. It’s another hump day here in AZ and I am feeling like the weeks lately are dragging by. The heat is getting better here, but still in the triple digits…so for me still a killer. The kids are back in school, which can be a blessing and a curse, as all you parents know. And work has been hectic. Being a business owner in this economy is scary to say the least. We constantly have to be on our toes looking for new business leads and keeping up with old clients to make sure that we are keeping up with everyone. I’m trying to hard to keep up with my husband, but i’m afraid I’m just not doing so well. Everyday I feel a little more fatigued, a little weaker, a little more “not myself”. I’m not sure of the direct cause, I just know that healthwise I’m not where I want to be. I so yearn for normalcy…but what is normal anyway?
I need a me day. I need a day that I can sleep in, and just laze around without having to worry about everyone around me. I’m a care giver…which I am sure most of you mom’s and stay at home dad’s can relate to. It’s what i do. I take care of my family, my kids, my home, our business. I even fix lunch everyday at work for all of us. That’s who I am. And, I’m not saying it is wrong to be that way. That’s really who God made me to be. But, I believe, every once in awhile care givers need to be given care. We need to be pampered, selfishly taken care of, and rejuvenated so that we can do our jobs to the best of our ability. It has been a long time since I have been “cared for”.
Don’t get me wrong, my husband loves me, and like all bread winners he would say his care for me comes in the form of earning a living, keeping a roof over our heads etc. And that is all true. My kids love me. But like all kids they “expect’ to be cared for by mom. It’s what mom’s do after all isn’t it??? We have mother’s day that is dedicated to us, that should be enough. But, even mother’s day tends to be a day of being a caregiver for our families.
I’m tired. I don’t want a big vacation to Maui, or a long cruise down the riviara(how do you spell that anyway?) I just want a day or two that is for me. And, as we all know, those days don’t work at home. Cuz we sit at home and stare at all the stuff that needs to be done, that we feel like we need to get done and haven’t, and that relaxation time becomes stress time over all that hasn’t been finished. A spa is expensive, and in this economy who can really afford a spa day without worrying about whether or not using that money will take a bite out of something else that needs to be paid for? So, where do we go for a day away? I’m not sure. I haven’t figured that one out.
Then, the question becomes, how do I tell my husband and kids that I need a day or two away? I need some time to recoup, to rest, to reenergize myself before my health goes totally out of control? My husband works so hard. He works a million hours a day trying to keep this business afloat. He puts his heart and soul into it. I know there are days when he wants to throw in the towel and say forget it. I know he wishes that he could have a day or two alone to rest. So, if I took a day would I just sit and feel guilty knowing he is still working? And, since there are only three of us at the shop we really can’t afford to just take off for a day or two and leave it a lone. That could be business suicide for us. Right now, though, I don’t feel like I am much good to anyone. i can’t stay focused, which those of you with lupus know as the lupus fog, I don’t feel well, I’m tired constantly. So, am I helping or hindering?
Maybe my kids and husband all wish I would take that day away. Maybe they see that I am not all here right now. Who knows.
Maybe I will just have to escape in my dreams at night. Not quite the same, not quite a real get away, but maybe better then nothing.
All I know for sure….is I need a me day!