Trying times.


Those of you who read my blog know that these last few weeks have been trying times for me.  I have been fighting various emotions and physical ailments and pains that make me feel weak and crabby.  I dont’ like feeling this way and I fight it with everything inside of me.  I don’t like to be mean to people, I don’t like to be cross with my kids or to my husband.  I always worry if I have hurt peoples feelings even if they deserve to be scolded or put in their place now and again.  And, I tend to allow myself to become a doormat in order to keep the peace.

There have been various kid issues, work issues, the normal day to day spouse issues that are annoying, and a lot of lupus issues that are becoming unpleasant and causing me grief.  Oftentimes I wonder why God has put me in this place, why I am here and living the life I am.  Will something good come of it?  Will my kids see something in me that helps them be stronger people?  Will someone out there see Jesus shining in me even a little bit through it all and realize that they can make it one day more?  I just don’t know.  Sometimes I want to just walk away from it all, move to a little cabin somewhere, a place that is just me, quiet and serene not full of the chaos of this life.  In fact I think of running away more than anyone probably realizes.   Then I realize all I would be missing here.  The laughter of my children, blended and biological.  Even when they argue they make me laugh…is that weird or what?  The nights my husband and I just lay together in bed watching “house” or “boston legal” just being together. 

So, today in the middle of my chaotic messed up life I looked down at my office chair and saw a book laying there.  I didn’t know where it had come from.  It was called “The Self Publishing Manual”.  I have been sort of throwing around the idea of trying to self publish a book myself.  Not sure how it would work.  But I have tossed it around a bit.  Well, apparently my husband has been listening.  He found that book this morning and bought it for me.  Can you believe it?  I never would have guessed he had even been listening to my ramblings about trying to write a book at all let alone self publishing. 

So, among the hectic mess….up pops a little daisy.  It smelled really nice!

4 thoughts on “Trying times.

  1. inkpuddle says:

    It never rains, but pours, huh? I’m sorry it’s pouring. Lose yourself in the new book and keep tossing around all of the possibilities involved with writing your own that you can think of…sometimes I think it’s easier to make sense of thoughts and ideas if you jumble them up really good first.

  2. Amber says:

    You know, although our diseases are different at times when I read lupus sufferers I would swear to God that is me!!! I had myself checked several times and apparently not. Im just “special”.

    Anyway… I so know what you are talking about here. Sometimes I do wish I could just run away from it. Why it happened to me? What is the lesson in this all for me and others.

    I hope that my writings give other people hope and inspiration. I hope that my life shines as an example to others and does make them feel as though they are “not alone”.

    Thats the great thing about blogging.. connecting with people out there who are of like minds.

    I say GO GIRL. Publish your book. Maybe it will help others. But maybe just maybe, it will give you perspective and help yourself in the process.

  3. psychscribe says:

    Yes, daisies do always end up popping up, don’t they? Write your book! What you have to say is important! Go for it! If nothing else, the process itself is a wonderful journey.

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