Hurry up and wait….

Sometimes I think that God has a very strange sense of humor.  Actually what I really think is that he has an evil little sparkle in his eye, one of those ones that a two year old gets right before he is ready to play a prank on his parents.  I think he has a somewhat scary little laugh and often times just sits up there in heaven watching and waiting for us down here to become completely frustrated, befuttled and beside ourselves, then he laughes that laugh, twinkles that twinkle and then finally…after he is good and ready decides to finally dive in to do his business and help out.  That’s exactly how I am feeling right now.

I have been praying and praying since we bought this business that it would be a success…no not even a success…that it would make enough money to pay our bills, be able to pay our one employee (that’s all we can afford) and that we would be able to pay ourselves a pay check…hopefully sooner rather then later.  Well here it is almost a year in and guess what???? we have yet to be able to pay ourselves, we are probably going to have to cut our guy back to 30 hours a week and we are praying every month to make ends meet.  Now when I prayed that God would open a door after my husband lost his job I was really thinking that the door would be  one that would prove to be profitble as far as earning a living, making our life, well, at least liveable, and that things wouldn’t be harder then they were before.  I really wanted a door to open that would allow for the two of us to work together but yet for me to be able to have the time I need to stay healthy, control my lupus, not over do it, not stress, just generally not be sicker from the opportunity then I was from my husband being jobless.  I wanted a door to open that would allow for him to go to work and then come home at night to our family so that we could have time together…as a family…not time without him as he works away at the shop till the wee hours of the night trying to keep up cuz we can’t afford to hire another person to help him.  That’s the door I was praying for.  That’s the door i thought we were walking through.  That’s the door I thought God had provided.  And boy have I been wrong and, honestly quite disappointed in God.

I am a firm believer that God knows that we as humans get angry with him from time to time.  I myself have had that moment of anger at my maker several times.  Once when my first husband was unfaithful, several times over this stupid disease I live with on a daily basis, there was the anger over losing my mom.  All aimed at God of course.  Who else could I blame for those things?  And now, right or wrong, I am mad about this business…this job, the time that is taken away from our family, the fact that the economy stinks right now…all of which are man’s fault I’m sure….but still…I prayed…I did my part…I got on my knees…I prayed, I begged even….this opportunity fell in our lap.  We jumped.  Did we jump too soon?  Were we too desperate?  Did we not listen closely enough for what he was really telling us?  Or does he have more in store for us and we need to be patient andwait?  is that whats’ going on here?  Is he sayin  “ need to just be patient and hurry up and wait!” 

Wait on the lord ……wait……and he will direct your path.  Well, I’m waiting…watching and praying that we are going down the right one!

2 thoughts on “Hurry up and wait….

  1. lupusranting says:

    Oh my goodness … you said it so well! Sometimes it feels like there is a big thunder cloud over our heads. For me, not having control over things I have no control over is the worst, you know? Will keep you in my prayers 🙂

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