2009…the year has begun!

I am going to the Doctor today!  I am so happy!  I’m sure most people don’t get overjoyed at the prospect of heading to the doctor.  But, I am ecstatic!  I have been without insurance for several months now, living on a wing and a prayer that nothing dramatic or catostrophic happens with my health/lupus, just waiting for Jan. 1 to arrive.  And I have an apt today!  Yep, I will probably be scolded for not going in for such a long time.  And, I am sure that meds will be changed around and blood will be drawn.  I will be poked and prodded…but….I will finally be getting some of the things that I have just been “dealing” with taken care of.  So for me a doctor apt is a good thing. 

I guess that means that the new year has, so far, started off right for me.  Living with a chronic illness can often be a daily drudgery that can tend to consume a person.  There is pain and anxiety and fear of what lies ahead.  It is always in the back of your mind that you are “sick” even if you look perfectly normal.  I have again realized how often I have to tell my kids “no, not today I’m just not up to it”.  Kids being out of school on vacation, bored, wanting to go and do things tends to make that happen. I have also realized that there are many times I tend to push myself when I should just say no, or I do things that could wait for another day knowing full way that I will pay for it later.  There are times when I feel like I miss out on a lot of life because of this disease.  There are times when I can see the disappointment in my kids faces when I just can’t be there for them, and I feel the heartache of a mom who wants to be there so badly 100% of the time. 

My kids are growing up…grown up!  I don’t want to lose any precious time with them.  So, that brings me back to the Doctor apt today.  I am going to up the ante so to speak.  I am going to begin again actively taking the steps I have to to ensure that I am here for a long time to come.  Because I refuse to miss out on all the great stuff there is left!

Happy new year!  And please take care of yourselves!

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