My brain is foggy!


I’m not sure about any of you other’s out there with Lupus, or any other chronic disease for that matter, but do you find yourself planning your shower time around your life?  I find myself penciling in my showers/baths for when I think I will have the most energy to do it…I mean the fixing of the hair, shaving the legs/pits, just the whole thing.  Even putting lotion on can tend to wear me out.  I mean this bod of mine isn’t exactly tiny….it takes some doin to get all the bits and parts lotioned up.  And, I’m getting old besides so I need all the moisturizing I can get!  It wears me out just thinking about it!

There are days when I wish I was one of those really wealthy people who can afford to have someone do all this stuff for me, (not lotioning part, unless it were like …hmmm….Johnny Depp:) )  If I only had someone who could have a brain for me to remember things.  I forget from one minute to the next what I am supposed to be doing, what I was doing, where I was going, why I was going.  There are times when I get to the grocery store knowing there was a specific thing I needed and guess what….I have no idea what it is when I get there!  It is so frustrating.  That makes me tired…trying to remember!

My daugther turns 19 on Friday.  I certainly hope I remember her name on that day!  Seriously, sometimes it is scary what happens with this disease.  It turns your brain and body to mush.  And it isn’t too good on the self esteem.  There are so many days when I feel inadequate, old and antiquated.  And, I’m not really that old!  Inside I feel like I am still in my twentys.  Is there going to come a day when I don’t remember who I am laying next to in bed?  We haven’t been married that long…sometimes it seems as if we were cheated out of time by this disease!  And my kids were cheated as well.

All I can say is that I am thankful for the days when my brain seems normal.  And though they are sometimes few and far between, they still happen.  And for that I am grateful!

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