I just watched the movie “He’s just not that in to you”. I gotta say I did find the movie enjoyable and entertaining, however, it had that theme of infidelity that ran through out the whole thing. I totally get that people cheat…I get that. I just wonder why? In this particular movie it was the man who cheated on his wife…which, unless I am just overly emotional about the subject, it seems it is typically the men in movies who cheat on wives. And, what’s worse is the man had the nerve to blame it on the fact that his wife had given him an “ultimatum” when they were dating that either they break up or take that next step down the aisle. He didn’t want to lose her so they got married.
Here’s the thing. Relationships have to move forward. They cannot remain in the same place or they will fade away and die. It is normal and expected to move ahead in a relationship, especially if you have been together, exclusively for a period of time, spoken those words to each other…ya know the ones…the “I love you” words. Unless those things are fabricated, and not real by one of the parties I truly believe that moving forward in a relationship is the only way to maintain that relationship. I feel that is true in marriage as well. If a marriage remains in the same place, if the love doesn’t continue to grow and change over the years, if the intimacy doesn’t become deeper and more meaningful, the marriage will perish.
That guy, in that movie blamed his wife on his dilema of “needing to have an affair”. Consequentally the wife blamed herself for “forcing”him to marry her. Well, no one can “force” anyone to marry someone else (unless you come from a place of arranged marriages and that’s a whole different topic). I’m not saying she was blameless because no one is blameless when a relationship ends. However, I am a firm believer that if you want to end a relationship do it before the affair happens. Don’t destroy someones self esteem, security, and sense of self by having the affair. No one knows more then me the damage that an affair can cause not only to the person cheated on, but also the kids of the marriage, friendships that end due to the ending of the marriage, self worth changes. Why would someone want to hurt another in that way? And, please…none of that “it just happened” crap. Things don’t just happen. People make conscious choices to do or not do things.
So, I guess what I am getting at is that if you are contemplating an affair, if you are in the midst of one, or if the spark has gone out of your relationship STOP IT!!!!!! Get your head together, get back on track. Make some conscious effort at fixing the relationship you have or GET OUT BEFORE you have a relationship with someone else.
I love my husband! He is my rock. We have had some rough stuff in our marriage; me being diagnosed with lupus, the loss of a grandchild, problems with our kids, problems with our exes, loss of jobs, loss of parents. But, we have stayed together, and we are moving forward….not standing still. Sure there are times when maybe things aren’t as “Hot” as they were when we were first together, there are times when we have to work a little harder to get in the mood, or make time to make love. That’s normal. But I know when I feel his eyes on me at the shop, I look over and see him looking at me, I know that I have his heart. I still feel butterflys when I think of him, I still get excited for our date nights during the weekend. I feel happy thinking of spending time with our kids and our grandkids, the memories we have shared, the life we have built. Just recently my husband and I were laying together, sharing some time together, I was giving him a foot massage, and I jokingly said “Ya know, no one will ever love you like Ido.” He told me ,in that moment, that he had just said to one of his co workers exactly that that “no one has ever loved me like Lori does”. I looked at him, kind of in shock, and said “seriously” You said that?” And he said, “Yes, and it’s true! And I love you.” That was one of the most romantic things he has ever said to me. In that moment I knew that he could feel what is in my heart just by my actions!
One certainty I have is that I could never have gotten through my moments of doubt, uncertainty and fear with out having Christ as the center of my heart, marriage and life. It is only by his grace that I am where I am…and I have a long long way to go. I pray, I plead, I cry, I beg God on a daily basis to make me stronger, more confident in my marriage and relationships. I pray for temptation to be diverted away from our marriage. I pray for strength and I have hope that we will survive all that we go through. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! that’s true in dealing with my lupus and dealing with my marriage!
Affairs are tricky. I’m not gonna lie. Because of where I’ve been in my life, the relationships I have had, I get suspicious really easily. I read a lot into things. A text message from the wrong person can take on a life of it’s own. It’s difficult. I know infidelity sneaks in there and steals a peice of life from everyone involved. I pray to God that we keep our life together, that we keep strong through it all and stay connected. And I am working toward that end!!!!!!!!