A few thoughts….


So many things are running around my little head the past couple days.  First of all I know that I need to finish writing the Christmas play for my brother’s church in Indiana!  I  had sort of a lapse in writing because I got sick…but I have a good start going.. I think (fingers crossed) it will be funny while still getting the point across about what the real meaning of Christmas is.

Second, I had a couple of biopsys done on a few spots that I have on my face and arm that look suspiciously like cancer.  I already had Squamous cell removed from my shoulder a couple of years ago.  It took three times back to the operating room to get that one fully gone.  Here’s the thing.  One of the spots on my face is pretty large…at least it’s pretty large to be on one’s face!  Unfortunately, because I have such a stupid immune system the biopsied area got infected.  Not a good sign according to the doctor!  So, it’s more antibiotics and cream trying to clear that up.  Then on the 14th I will have surgery to remove any and all that come back positive or suspicious plus the lump that is growing under my skin on my arm.  Cancer is a scary word for anyone!  For me…it is scary for a few reasons.  I don’t heal well from surgery.  I tend to scar fairly noticeably, and often get infections.  Lupus has a way of adding those little blips to the roadway of life.  But there is also that concern that I will go into a massive lupus flare after being treated, which pretty much puts me totally out of commission.  And while some may think that a week in bed is just the ticket…you don’t realize how really difficult that is until it really happens.  Oh the grossness that builds up around a person’s house when mom is incapacitated.  Of course the thoughts of cancer spreading further then the skin, further then just under the skin.  I  have heard that chemo can often be used to help lupus patients go into remission…I guess I am not quite that keen on going that route….chemo scares me!

Then, there’s the finding of that young girl who was kidnapped 18 years ago.  WOW!  I think about my own kids, how precious they are, how I would die if I ever lost any of them.  And I cannot even imagine what that mom has been going through for the last 18 years.  And the two kids that were born of that kidnapping, that abuse, that horrible situation.  Oh how I feel for all of them.  It makes me want to take my kids and hide them away where nothing can ever hurt them.  I know, however, that no matter how much you try to protect your kids they get hurt and sometimes bad…even really horrible things…happen.  Parents beat themselves up for the smallest of mistakes, at least I do, I don’t know how I would cope with having to not know where my kids are, who they are with and what is happening to them.  I guess it has made me realize that I  have so many blessings that I am not always that appreciative of.  

Those are my ponderings, the meanderings of my mind, on this very hot monday in Arizona.

3 thoughts on “A few thoughts….

  1. Lois says:

    Oh, Lori, It just never ends for you! Maybe none of the spots will be cancerous. We can pray for that and for strength you will need no matter what! Lupus is just the nastiest — even worse than my ex so that’s reeeeeaaaaallllly bad! I am so sad that you have to go through such nastiness! You are always in my prayers. I love you!!

    • lwayswright says:

      So far so good…the two biopsied were not cancer. The one in my arm will be surgically removed on monday…that one probably is because it is just like one I had removed from my shoulder that was. It will all work out in the end!

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