I have been feeling gross all day today.  My stomach is churning and nothing that I eat stays inside of me for very long.  I’m not sure if I have a flu bug, or if it is just stress from the goings on of our home at this time.  I want so badly to write something positive and uplifting and life affirming here today.  I want to feel those things…faith grace mercy, joy, happiness.  But these days all I seem to feel is defeated and tired.  It would appear that life is giving me lemons right now and I am not sure how to make the lemonade!  Has anyone ever had those kinds of time in life? 

I try to really look for the good in every situation.  I stand by the fact that God’s grace is sufficient for me, but I gotta say that this is a time, in my life, which hasn’t really happened very often, that I am doubting..doubting myself, my life, my marriage, my family…I’m doubting god.  This is one of those times, like when I first was diagnosed with Lupus, when I don’t see any end in sight or at least  not very soon.  And, it’s not just the crud going on with my stepson, it is a  whole lot of strange things goin on in my life.  Maybe I am going through menopausal mid life crisis.  I’m telling you those hot flashes are way worse then my mom said, and she said they were pretty bad! 

We had a really fun weekend last weekend.  My stepson had basically run away on friday night and wasn’t heard from all weekend…so, we went to a movie and took my kids, yes MY KIDS to this great resturant over by the new cardinals arena.  We had a great time laughing and being together…like old times.  My other step son was with us and he gets a long with my kids great!  There was no stress going on about the other step son, no mention of him, no chatter about him nothing.  And…NO TEXTS or PHONE CALLS from my husbands’ ex about him (which are dozens on a typical day).  We were just us again, back to normal.  Then Sunday came and once again all hell broke loose!  The step son was brought by his mom back to our house, after having been on the run all weekend, and was given no consequences for that, no punishment it was back to life as normal…with him calling all the shots.  But for that one moment in time it was good.  I have tried and tried to tell my husband “do you see what he is doing to all of us”  but…to no avail.  anyway, I thought I would post some photos of the fun we had for that split second in time!

Huge cotton candy desert!


2 thoughts on “Ugh!

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