Do you ever feel like you want to be fought for? Like you want that one person in your life to really put up a fight and stick up for you, for the couple hood of you, for everything you put into a life for years? Well, that’s how I am feeling right now. I feel like my whole life has been a fight…one fight after another with no one ever fighting for me! I have fought long and hard for my marriage, for our love and our life. I have put blood sweat and tears…many tears into this life we have. I have fought my family, my kids, my step kids my ex, his ex, all on behalf of us. I have fought for my parents attention and a lot of the time I felt like it went elsewhere….my siblings attention, friends attention, always fighting for someone to work as hard at relationship as I do…work as hard at making things work, at forgiveness, at grace at love….and many times I have ended up a lone, in a puddle, wondering what I was fighting for in the first place.
Step parenting, blended families, the whole thing is, at best, difficult. Add in a child who is extremely troubled and difficult, seemingly without the mom and dad stepping up to put a stop to him taking advantage of the entire family, and it becomes almost unbearable. I have been so patient, I have tried to be supportive to the point of making excuses to my own kids, trying to defend my husbands actions and telling people that “it is his child!!!” Well, it just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. I’m tired. I am sick and tired of fighting all alone. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, a togetherness, a discussion of how WE will handle these kinds of things as they come along. Instead he is having those discussions with his ex and I am left here, alone, to mop up the mess. “You need to take the boys for their immunizations.” She says to me! His EX is telling me to take THEIR kids for their immunizations. She has a husband, she has a driver’s licence and the last time I checked they are her kids not mine. So, if my husband can’t do it then shouldn’t she be the one responsible to do that??? But, when it comes to dealing with this same child disappearing overnight to a friends house who is over 18 (step son is much younger) who is knowingly giving him booze and cigerettes, and my step son is on probation, he is skipping school, punching holes in our walls, then, during those times I have no say whatsoever. I’m just the step mom I have no rights! But, if ya need a taxi service or a nanny…just call your step mom!!!! When will someone step up and fight for me???? When will HE step up and fight for me????
Okay, I am now officially done whining for the evening. Surely God has a plan…he just better figure it out soon cuz..I am just done! This is my life…and it is insane!!!