so much for resolutions….

Okay so here it is day 5 or 6 in the new year, and I have not kept to my resolution.  If you read my post about my resolution, you would know that I promised to write and work on my novel every day for the year until I finally get it done.  And, I haven’t.  Honest, short, sweet and to the point…I’m a failure!  In my defense I will say I haven’t been feeling the best for the past few days either.  But that is no excuse.  Things are just so chaotic in life.  I am at a point where I’m not sure what my life is for.  What am I doin on this planet?  What is my purpose?  I know, i know I’m a little old to be wondering about my purpose or searching for my life path, but I am restless and wanting something bigger and better.  No, I’m not talking about being rich or breaking into show business or winning american idol kind of bigger.  I’m talking about making a difference.  I had huge dreams in my life.  Not dreams of fame or fortune.  But dreams of being someone that people look at and think “Now there goes a woman who has touched people”.  I had dreams of traveling to far away places like Ireland, or Australia…even the bahamas LOL.  But here I am in suburbia, living that life that suburban housewives live, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I have wanted so much more.  I think some of that I gave up when i was told I have lupus.   Life took a nasty turn then.  I just don’t have the stamina I used to and with every year older I get the less it becomes it seems.  But, I CAN write.  I have written, for a long time.  And I am good at it.  It is a god given gift, and I guess I haven’t really used it completely the way that I should have.  I have put it on the back burner, and sort of just let it sit there.

So, maybe, I’m thinking, that is where I can make the difference.  I can write things that will touch someones heart, that will make someone laugh, or feel.  That’s why I made that resolution. 

So, today I resolve to begin again.  To start writing every day.   Maybe it will make me feel better, healthier, knowing that I am following through with that.  Maybe it will take all the chaos in my life, and during that time I write, knock that all to the background for a while.  Because maybe even if my writing makes no difference in anyone elses’ life it will make a difference in my own!

One thought on “so much for resolutions….

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