Okay so here it is day 5 or 6 in the new year, and I have not kept to my resolution. If you read my post about my resolution, you would know that I promised to write and work on my novel every day for the year until I finally get it done. And, I haven’t. Honest, short, sweet and to the point…I’m a failure! In my defense I will say I haven’t been feeling the best for the past few days either. But that is no excuse. Things are just so chaotic in life. I am at a point where I’m not sure what my life is for. What am I doin on this planet? What is my purpose? I know, i know I’m a little old to be wondering about my purpose or searching for my life path, but I am restless and wanting something bigger and better. No, I’m not talking about being rich or breaking into show business or winning american idol kind of bigger. I’m talking about making a difference. I had huge dreams in my life. Not dreams of fame or fortune. But dreams of being someone that people look at and think “Now there goes a woman who has touched people”. I had dreams of traveling to far away places like Ireland, or Australia…even the bahamas LOL. But here I am in suburbia, living that life that suburban housewives live, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but I have wanted so much more. I think some of that I gave up when i was told I have lupus. Life took a nasty turn then. I just don’t have the stamina I used to and with every year older I get the less it becomes it seems. But, I CAN write. I have written, for a long time. And I am good at it. It is a god given gift, and I guess I haven’t really used it completely the way that I should have. I have put it on the back burner, and sort of just let it sit there.
So, maybe, I’m thinking, that is where I can make the difference. I can write things that will touch someones heart, that will make someone laugh, or feel. That’s why I made that resolution.
So, today I resolve to begin again. To start writing every day. Maybe it will make me feel better, healthier, knowing that I am following through with that. Maybe it will take all the chaos in my life, and during that time I write, knock that all to the background for a while. Because maybe even if my writing makes no difference in anyone elses’ life it will make a difference in my own!