I have been reading a lot lately, on word press, blogs about infidelity, and cheating. I have read stories written by mistresses, and their belief that it “isn’t thier fault”, that they are “helping the marriage”, that husbands can confide in the mistress things that he could never discuss with his wife. And, I have been reading responses by men who have had affairs who basically feel that keeping the contact going with the other woman even after the wife knows, and the affair is supposedly over, even if that means keeping that contact a secret from their wife, is okay! WOW! I’m not sure where morality or the reality and the commitment of marriage has gone to, but fromwhere I sit I think that is all a bunch of hog wash!
Here is my take on affairs. I think infidelity is a cowards way of escaping from problems he/she doesn’t want to deal with. There are only two people who know what really goes on in a marriage…so no matter what the “cheater” tells his/her lover they never know the whole truth no matter how much they think they know that their lover is tortured in their marriage, mistreated etc etc etc. In an affair you don’t have to deal with the realities of life like the bills, the kids, illness, taking out the garbage, driving kids around, work, balancing the checkbook, cooking dinner for a family…the real life day to day grind of a marital relationship. In an affair you are living in a cinderella wonderland..possibly the land that you had hoped your marriage would be, but the reality is that marriage is not disneyland. So, to all you mistresses out there who think you are doing your married man a huge favor by listening to his problems, and hanging on his every word about how tortured his life is,making love as often as you are together because “his wife never wants to” remember there are two sides to a story and two lives in that marriage. And, no matter how much you want to believe that the people in that family will not be adversely affected by the extramarital affair you are wrong. The kids are affected, it will affect the way they look at relationships for the rest of their lives. The spouse will be affected…trust doesn’t come easy to begin with. Add to that infidelity and it is almost impossible to get it back. In future relationships or if your marriage does manage to make it through the affair, you will question everything your spouse does. Every time he/she misses a call, doesn’t come home on time, isn’t where they are supposed to be, your mind goes back to that time of unfaithfulness. Forgiveness can happen…forgetting is another story!
So, I guess the message of this post is this: If your marriage is in trouble, do your darndest to fix it. If it is unfixable wait till you have ended that relationship before moving on to another. Don’t go around sharing intimate things about your marriage with someone of the opposite sex…that leads to temptation which leads to trouble. If you need to talk to an outside party to get perspective turn to a friend who is the same sex you are or a counselor. But never ever stop communicating with your spouse! Your partner should be the first and foremost person you run to when you need a refuge, when you feel insecure, when you feel pressure and fear. If the two of you can’t communicate get help doing so! Making someone else of the opposite sex your confidante, as possibly controlling as it may sound, is NOT a good idea! Can men and women be friends? Yes. But a true friend of the opposite sex would want to be friends with both parts of the marriage not just one part!
That’s just my humble opinion!