Life has been one wild ride lately. And it certainly doesn’t seem like it’s gonna slow down anytime soon. We have a big move comin up, but as of yet have found no house to move into. My hubby keeps trying to calm me down…we will find a place, the right place for us, where we need it to be, what we need it to be, God will provide, He always does, but, I’m, well quite frankly, scared. Business is growing but never fast enough to keep up with the out go! Isn’t that always how it goes? I’m not really sure because I have never owned a business… probably because I am tooo afraid of that stuff…so it is best if I don’t own a business! My health..well always a difficult prospect. Still trying to figure out the back thing. Sunday my left side was so painful I was in tears. … in front of my husband! I very rarely cry in front of my kids or husband…any family for that matter, because of pain. That is something that I do in private, where no one can see me. But Sunday I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m tired, I’m tired of the pain, of the fatigue, of the never ending feeling that I can’t go one step further. And there seems to be more and more days when I feel like I just can’t make it through the entire day without wearing out sooner then the day before. I cannot stand that feeling. I am only 47 years old! But, it is what it is! Most days I understand that, I deal with it, I move on and keep my chin up and hold on to the knowledge that there is a power greater then me moving me forward. But lately it almost seems like an impossible task.
I went to the dentist monday and found out about getting my new teeth. And while that is exciting, the journey to getting them is paved with many un savory moments. But, I will go through those moments in order to not look like I am from the trailer park down on Van Buren Street! (No offense to those of you who live in the trailer park on van buren street!) It just seems like every day there seems to be a new struggle, a new issue, a new problem that gets blasted into our lives…some that I write about and some that I don’t, that push this rollercoaster around and around and up and down and sideways, makine me dizzy and nauseus. And I cannot stand roller coasters. Not even little bitty ones! I’m so ready to be done now!
There are days when I have an overwhelming feeling of warmth, of positivity, that all will be well! It’s like God is Saying to me “Lori, I haven’t left you alone, you are okay! You will be okay!” But then 10 min later I find myself saying, “Yeah right God, you say that, but Look at me, I’m sick, I can’t find a house, my teeth are falling out, how can my husband love me lookin like this? I can barely stay awake till 10PM, what are You thinkin?” And I worry about my kids and what they would do if anything happened to me. I’m sure they would be fine. They are smart and resourceful kids, but you know us moms, we want to seem like our children could never survive without us! And, honestly, I’m not so sure that mine could!:)
The last month or two have just been very overwhelming for me. I have had to reevaluate so many things, feelings, relationships and priorities in my own life. And I am having to learn, one more time, how to rest and say no! Which is not easy for me. Uh oh…I think I feel another hill coming……