Is there a happy ending or silver lining???


Is there?. Happy ending? I grew up believing in fairy tales. My prince would come on a golden horse(I don’t like white horses…too cliche), and he would save the day for me. My parents had that. Sure they had their fair share of problems, but what marriage doesn’t? But they were married over 50 years when mom died. My dad lost his soulmate that day. I saw it, in his eyes as he kissed her goodbye for the last time. I didn’t grow up in a broken home, I had two amazing parents loving siblings, and grand parents that were the real life version of the notebook. It was what I wanted..all my life. I grew up believing that all I wanted was to be a mom and a wife! No college degree. No career woman status. I wanted what mom and dad and grandma and grandpa had.
I remember so vividly, like it was yesterday, grandpa, who was well over 6 feet tall, helping grandma , who was well under 5 feet, put her winter coat on. But what struck me about that simple act is that he gave her a kiss every time he did that. He did the dishes for her, he bought her little trinkets that he knew, just knew intuitively, that she would love it. Grandpa got Alzheimer’s when he was in his 60s. It was so hard to watch this brilliant pastor go from knowing everything to not even remember his own daughters name. But he never forgot grandma. They were together when grandma died. She died caring for him, trying to help him back to bed, and her heart just couldn’t do it anymore..when grandpa died he was callin out her name ” I’m coming home Ethel, I’m on my way to you.

Does love like that exists anymore? Can a man and woman love so deeply they would walk through Alzheimer’s, strokes, heart attacks together? I’m not so sure anymore.

When I got married I said for better or worse, sickness, health, I promised to help him be a better man and he promised to help me a better woman. So what happens when the man you love chooses his drugged out adult son over you? I understand the bonds of parenthood, I really do. I am a mom. But for better or worse( sometimes to the detriment of my own kids, which pains me to no end, I stuck by my husband. I loved him,. Some in my family didn’t quite get the attraction there but, behind closed doors we were best of friends, he made me laugh, he made me think, and, I thought, he loved me tremendously. Then the son arrived and life broke into a million pieces. The son is an adult, but has a drug problem, not to mention a scary temper and thinks he rules the world. Not even my bedroom was off limits to him.he just took over our life. My kids no longer came to see me. I lost myself in that instant.

And what’s worse I have lupus. My illness started getting worse from the stress of it all. But not even then did my soulmate, my partner, side with me. It was all about the son. My heart got smaller and smaller till I could no longer take it. I left!!! My kids were thrilled! I was hurting a pain so intense I wanted to curl up and give up. He thinks I just hate his son. To the contrary. I came into thir lives when they were small boys. I was at every football, tball, basketball game there was. I drove them to school everyday. I got them interested in music. And when they went missing cuz they were doing things they shouldn’t, I was there to be there for them. They were my boys, my kids brothers. We were trying, in this world of giving up, to be a family. I loved them. But they didn’t love me. I knew that. I was a means to an end. I was the driver, the koolaide mom when friends came around. I was, for lack of a better word, a maid. But they did have a true connection with my kids. They laughed a lot, pulled pranks on one another. And more often then not we would find them all asleep in the same room on any given night. My kids still mourn the loss of those two boys!

And my husbands daughters, I loved them. I helped plan weddings, became grandma, was a sounding board when things got rough for them in life. And I truly loved them!! I miss the grand kids every day.

Now, I’m alone, have no idea what will happen in my life, and am still in love with my husband. Yet divorce papers are ready to be signed. So you tell me…is there a happy ever after? Cuz I still want the knight to ride up, swoop me off my feet and declare his love to me!!! I guess life just isn’t a fairy tale after all!!

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