I have gone from married to single in what seems a minute. While it seems it has all taken awhile, my life as I knew it really changed quite quickly. Honestly, I loved being married. I am one of these sappy people who love the companionship of marriage. I miss just ” being” with another human being who knows me, and gets me. No, our marriage wasn’t perfect, in fact it was terribly flawed. And my family will tell you I am better out of it. And, there came a point where, for various reasons, I couldn’t stay. But that doesn’t make it any easier. The grieving process still has to be gone through. And I am still working my way through it. And there are days that I feel terribly empty, and I question God and his wisdom. Why do some people get disease and failure and others seem to sail along in life pretty much untouched? I know all people have problems but some get more then their fair share.
Living with failure and illness can be exhausting. And trying to be happy in order to force happiness in is also exhausting. And I am exhausted. I do have so many blessings in my life; kids, family, a job I enjoy. So focusing on these things is what gets me through the day. I try to ignore the pain, the infections I often get, and just thank God for the good. That’s where inner joy comes in. Happiness isn’t always there but joy is there even when happiness isn’t. I guess my suggestion to those of you who are like me focus on the inner joy when the outer happiness is hard to find. Eventually the happiness will com. The laughter will arrive. And life will go on!