She is down…again!

I fell again…and yes it was in the shower. Not something that I am proud of or want to highlight as a bright spot in my life.  I have lupus and I don’t hide it from anyone.  I want people to be aware of this disease, to be an advocate in looking for a cure.  I guess in my small way I am hopeful that this little blog of mine  will help to do that.  So, that is why I write today about my fall in the shower this morning.  My balance isn’t great.  I tend  to wobble quite a bit, and sometimes that wobble turns into an outright fall.  I am not totally certain how falling relates to lupus, other then the fact that my joints are not great, my equilibrium is sometimes  off, I often have migraines which affects my steadiness.  And sometimes I just don’t feel well which, for anyone who has ever had the flu will know, can sometimes make you feel weak and unsteady. So, today I went down with a thump in the shower.  I managed to severely bruise my tail bone and somehow strain  my neck and upper chest area inflaming my collar bones.  I often have bone pain, which sounds sort of strange I know, but it is a real pain, a deep throbbing pain. My collar bones actually have some swelling happening  around them.

This fall today made me painfully aware of the fact that I live all on my own now. I have no husband  anymore, my kids are gone, and here I am.  If that fall had been a really bad one it could have been a horrible disaster.  It made me realize with total clarity that if I am going  to be safe, if I am going  to stay well I need to be more careful, more aware of my surroundings and my own limitations and capabilies.  I’m  not saying that I am going to be afraid of my own shadow,but I certainly will walk a bit more carefully, shower a bit more carefully and keep my phone much closer at hand.   I want to be around for many years to come…I want to meet my grandchildren,  I want to see my other kids get married, graduate from college, have kids of their own.  I want all the goodthings that go along with reaching 50 and older.  And I want to do that all with grace and health.  So, I must be more careful.

To all of you with chronic illnesses like lupus, take a lesson from me.  Be careful, be watchful.  Be aware of what you can and  can’t do, should or shouldn’t do.  Your family wants you around and in the best shape you can be in.

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