Forgiveness tis the season

Forgiveness isn’t always easy. I should know. It is taking me a very long time to forgive my ex for what has happened in my life over the last year.  I was raised to forgive. My grandpa was a pastor, I have two brothers who are pastors.  I used to be the girl who was the first one to give second third fourth chances. To the point that I was often thought of as crazy for being such a pushover. But, I think this time, this major failure in my life, has taken away my eagerness to forgive.  I have been hurt before, but I this time, this painful end, was worse then any other time.  I feel like I have lost myself, like my insides where ripped out and stamped on repeatedly. Every day is a fight for me to press on, to make my way as a middle aged woman in a world that I never saw myself in again…the world of a single woman, alone, scared and uncertain of the future.

here is the kicker. This week is Easter. It’s the week that Jesus, in his amazing love, grace and mercy, gave his life for us.  He showed us forgiveness that we didn’t deserve and could never deserve. It also the week I turn 50 years old.  So my thought process says it is time to pull my self up, dust myself off and be the bigger person, follow the example of Christ and forgive all thos who have so truly hurt me over the last year. My question is how do I begin? The answer I guess is one small step at a time.  There is fear in forgiveness but there is also freedom. I need freedom, I need to move forward into happiness. So, I am nailing all of that hurt to the cross this week.  Easter will be the beginning of new life.  It may go slowly, but if I keep looking forward and stop looking back forgiveness and renewal are possibl.  after all…tis the season, for forgiveness!

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