i totally understand all the hoopla regarding Justin and his issues. another famous, spoiled, rich kid, gets in trouble for being spoiled, rich and doing something stupid. here’s the reality. Justin is no different then a lot of other non famous, non rich kids in the US, Canada, and many other places around the globe. the fact of the matter is that he is a kid. Now do not get me wrong, i am in no way excusing his behavior, nor am i suggesting that he should get off without a punishment (which, by the way is not only a bonus of being famous. poor kids often get off without punishment or help as well), there should be consequences for his actions. what i am saying is that everyone should be looking at this as another wake up call about who is going to be in charge of this world in the future. if we don’t start opening our eyes we could be in a world of hurt, literally!
for those of you who are subscribers or followers of my blog, you will know that i once had 2 step sons who often got into a lot of trouble. each time this trouble happened it progressed a little further, each infraction becoming a little worse then the previous. no matter how i tried i could not get through to them that the road they were on had a fork and they could choose to follow the “more cool” road or the road that would lead to happiness, health, less pain. some folks would tell me “oh they are just kids they will grow up, grow out of it. back down, leave them alone, you are being too hard on them, or my personal favorite…”You are NOT their mom so mind your own business” even though “she” is the one who was too busy to clean up the mess and threw that mess in my lap. The problem is that i genuinely cared about these boys and wanted the best for them, and they were affecting the life, health and safety of not only my husband (their father, who was often absent hence the garbage was often laid at my feet, even by their own mom)but of my own children as well. not to mention the fact that having lupus, stress affects my illness so my own well being was in danger. hindsight being twenty i should have not continued in that situation as long as i did, my kids lives were so hurt be it all, and the guilt i feel for that is sometimes overwhelming, i should have gotten out, or handed the plate to their dad and not put up with it any longer, however, they needed help, no one else was stepping up, i felt like i couldn’t just drop them. and ultimately it was them and their trouble that helped put the last nail in the coffin of our marriage.
heres the reality. no matter how famous or rich, no matter what your social standing, if you are bringing the kids up in church, even if the kids have amazing grades, are super smart or give the appearance of being on the right track, they need supervision, they need menors that will be positive, not phoney or looking for what they as the mentor will gain from the relationship, they need to be taught from a young age what a genuine role model looks like as opposed to a person who may be talented or whatever but really doesn’t care what the message is that they are sending out. most importantly they need boundaries, expectations, rules. they need to know that people will be disappointed if they mess up, that there are consequences to actions good or bad. and, parents or guardians need to know when the problem is beyond them and be willing to seek that help. i know that is probably the hardest part of all. and if all that fails, those surrounding that child need to be willing and strong enough to send that child out on their own.
i guess what i am saying is that perhaps instead of just pointing fingers at Justins mom, management team, friends etc and accusing them of being ignorant, we look inward at our own families and kids, make sure our own houses are in order. take a look at the boys and girls in your life, not just your own kids, but those all around you. let’s stop saying that once they turn 18 its all out of our hands and they are adults and need to take care of themselves. look back at when you were 18. how much of an adult really were you? lets put our arms around all of our kids, let them know that we are here for them but that for every action there is a reaction. lets start beginning at birth with example of right and wrong, dont send mixed messages. be there for all those single parents, moms or dads out there. it a tough job, tougher when you are on your own. really listen to the kids. if it seems there may be underlying reasons for the behavior, seek out help, find the causes, don’t just push it under the rug. if we begin at the very beginning, be totally engaged, learn as adults that parenting and becoming a parent takes the focus off ourselves and turns it toward the kids, and that focus doesnt end at 18, it continues beyond, even on to when the kids become the parents. Remember it is not only the rich and famous. This travels through all socio-economic boundaries, covers all ethnicities. lets work together to make a difference. Eventually our kids will thank us.