My life has taken so many turns over the years that it is often confusing to keep track. Single to married, married and a mom, divorced, single mom, dating, married with step kids, divorced again…and now I am dating again..although this time much more selectively, more carefully and I definitely don’t want to repeat my past mistakes again. And, I am searching for a job. I am doing odd jobs here and there for friends and family, but I really do need something permanent that will make me an income. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I don’t want to worry about what tomorrow will bring. In fact I want to enjoy my life this time around. I want to feel joy and excitement at what the future holds. It has been such a long time since I felt like that.
I think deep down we all want a sense of being needed, of being appreciated for the things that we do, big or small. It’s also important to feel like we have contributed in some small way to this planet. So, the last third of my life I am going to try to make a difference, even if it is in just one person’s life. I just had another birthday, so to mark the day I worked at “Feed My Starving Children” which, if you have never done and you have the chance I highly recommend it. It will be a life changer for you! And then I celebrated 51 years of amazing life with my good friend and adopted brother Tony. It was a great day..a celebratory day. A new beginning day. Shouldn’t every birthday be a new beginning? Shouldn’t every day be a new beginning?
Don’t get me wrong, I still have days, moments, hours when I wonder what in the world is going on with my life. Lupus is no joke. Divorce is no joke. It’s all hard. Not knowing what your next paycheck will be…that’s hard. However, God has never let me down even when I have felt so far away from Him it’s a wonder that He knew I existed. But He did, in His grace and wisdom, he knew exactly where I was, what I was thinking, feeling and what I needed. I have never gone hungry, or been without a home to go to. And I have friends that are more amazing then I deserve and a family..well don’t even get me started on how amazing they are. And, I am going to be a grandma, which is just icing on the cake for me. I know there will be days, or moments when I am a doubter, an emotional wreck, all of those things that I don’t like about myself. I am determined though to work harder to make less of those days. To smile more often. To live life in a joyful way.
I have written a show for a group of teenagers to take on tour this summer. They are going to Nashville and Indiana and performing the show in some amazing venues. When I wrote the show I had no idea what it was going to turn into at the time, but it has become something very unexpected. I have gotten to know these kids and have made their stories a part of the show. Some of them have lived through such trauma and sadness it is a wonder they can keep smiling. But they do! They are amazing kids that have overcome unbelievable obstacles and come out stronger in the end. I am so proud of them. I am so proud of their overcoming spirits. It inspires me to be better.
So I guess my challenge to you is to try to be stronger, be happier, hang on tighter, love more. That’s what I am going to do!